


More Than Christmas Eve

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Romance, Sex, mating for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2004-06-23
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:39:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5944018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas Eve after the second fall of Voldemort, but Remus and Sirius still aren't together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. More Than Christmas Eve

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

It Doesn't Have to be That Way 

by Jim Croce

Snowy nights and Christmas lights, / Icy windowpanes, / Make me wish that we could be / Together again. / And the windy winter avenues / Just don't seem the same, / And the Christmas carols sound like blues, / But the choir is not to blame.

But it doesn't have to be that way. / What we had should never have ended. / I'll be dropping by today. / We could easily get it together tonight. / It's only right.

Crowded stores, the corner Santa Claus, / Tinseled afternoons, / And the sidewalk bands play their songs / Slightly out of tune. / Down the windy winter avenues / There walks a lonely man, / And if I told you who he is, / Well I think you'd understand.

But it doesn't have to be that way. / What we had should never have ended. / I'll be dropping by today. / We could easily get it together tonight. / It's only right.

No, it doesn't have to be that way. / What we had should never have ended. / I'll be dropping by today. / We could easily get it together tonight. / It's only right.

++++

Standing in pajama pants and a robe amidst the unplanned but very welcome mess in my once again lonely living room I had only ninety minutes to go and I would have survived another Christmas Eve. The fourth since he escaped from Azkaban, the third after I knew he was innocent, the second after the rise and now fall of Voldemort, the first after his exoneration. The first Christmas Eve we could really be together; but of course we weren't, fate would never be that kind.

Because the mercifully fast fall of Voldemort was made possible by nothing short of the sheer cunning and relentlessness of Dumbledore and his elite Order, of which I was a respected member, my reinstatement as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was never questioned. Unfortunately my status of war hero did nothing to endear my presence at a Christmas Eve service, even in the village of Hogsmeade where I lived and was well known.

While there were some true friends who would be happy to protectively surround me in the back pew, I was never able to feel comfortable worshiping with hymns and candlelight knowing that as a dark creature I was never truly welcome on this holiest night of the year. Only on the three Christmas Eves that Sirius and I celebrated together after graduating did I find the courage to attend the beautiful midnight service I loved so much as a child. Siri's presence reassured me that I deserved to stand in the light of love; that Moony and I had never done anything to deem us unworthy of grace and life eternal. I believed I would spend that eternity with the incredible man I had claimed as my mate at the age of sixteen. I was wrong; and although the last fifteen years had taught me to live on my own with confidence and determination, my reluctance to face the Christmas Eve crowds without my mate never changed.

This year I thought I would be celebrating with Sirius. After so many years alone I thought I would finally feel the reassuring weight of his arm draped possessively around my shoulders as we stood in the small Hogsmeade chapel; candlelight dancing across the faces of choir and congregation, friends and also foes, those afraid of my very presence on this blessed evening. With Sirius by my side I could face them all.

But now, simply facing my-self was an everyday challenge. This second loss of my mate left me with all the emptiness and self- loathing I felt when I first met the dazzling star who would come to be the light my world. Finding myself broken in sprit and separated from the mate I would always yearn for, I once again prepared to observe the same Christmas Eve ritual I had followed since 1981. A ritual I was able to carry out no matter where I had been forced to move upon the latest discovery of my curse, a ritual that consisted of nothing more than a long walk in the woods and fields surrounding my always remote and lonely home.

In years past I had basked in the splendor of the stars, and quietly reaffirmed my inability to truly believe in the guilt of my soul- mate. Yet on this night when I could at last walk with him unhidden and finally scream the truth of his innocence to the heavens, the brilliance of the twinkling impostors only served to mock me in my loneliness. Sirius was celebrating elsewhere.

When the second war ended in victory during the summer after Harry's fifth year, I enthusiastically accepted Dumbledore's invitation to resume teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. Peter had been captured alive, and Sirius, whom I had not seen since our very brief reunion the summer before, would finally receive the trial he deserved. Firmly believing he would soon be a free man, I bought a spacious cottage on the outskirts of Hogsmeade for us to begin our new life in. And although I knew there were many things we would need to work through after all the long and dark years of separation, it never occurred to me I would be living there alone.

So it was that after a light evening meal, I headed out for my traditional stroll through the quiet countryside with only the stars and an ample amount of self-pity for companionship.

From the moment I crossed the threshold and descended the three stone steps that marked the space between solitary safety and the cold judgement of society Moony began to pace, slow and steady, nearing ever closer to the bars of his cage. We were being watched; someone was following us.

I tried calmly reassuring myself I was safe; that although some people of the village were not always pleased with my presence there was no real reason to believe someone was stalking me with silver bullets and daggers at the ready. I did however keep my wand tucked just inside the waist- band of my jeans; there were still dark forces in this land and many people considered me to be one of them. But no matter how hard I tried to relax and enjoy the beauty of the night, the longer I walked, the more ill at ease I became. Silently directed by Moony's will my feet took me steadily deeper into the woods as if following a predetermined course. Suddenly I realized the wolf wasn't **frightened** of the unseen presence, he was **hunting** it, but this prey was cunning, it stayed down wind and moved in the shadows. Much to Moony's displeasure, on this occasion my will would dominate.....it was time to go home.

Taking in the sight before me as I slowed my pace across the field I felt foolish for my fears as I approached the now glowing lights of my cottage. Obviously a look out had been keeping track of my progress through the woods while a merry clan of intruders invaded my home with laughter and song. Harry greeted me on the porch as I slowly made my way up the front walk wondering just how many Weasleys, students and faculty he had managed to entice to what I had only an hour ago considered to be a spacious home.

"You came home to soon." James' doppelganger pouted as I climbed the stone steps and stood silently next to him, eyebrows raised in reply to his statement. "Once everyone arrived, we were going to dim the lights and surprise you," the now dejected teenager continued, thinking that his plans were ruined.

"I'm very surprised Harry," I assured him with a smile, "but I'm also a little confused. When you and Ron stopped by yesterday I thought you said you were spending this evening and tomorrow, at Hogwarts, with Sirius?"

"Well, I thought I was, but when I saw him this morning, he told me he was going to Diagon Alley to get something from Gringotts and that he had plans tonight." Harry explained, trying with out success to hide the disappointment in his voice. "He asked if I would mind just spending Christmas Day with him, it didn't sound like he was planning on being back at the castle tonight.......I'm sorry Professor," my student finished, eyes downcast as though he knew the effect Sirius's nocturnal plans would have on my heart.

It had been almost six months since he'd made his choice clear and unlike myself there was nothing to keep him from taking another lover. So it was with a broken heart, but calm expression that I lifted Harry's chin to stare into the emerald green eyes whose predecessors had understood me almost as well as my mates.

Harry had been exposed to many more of life's experiences than a sixteen year should, but the love of family was not one of them; and as angry and hurt as I was at Sirius's dismissal of me, I was now far more furious that he would be heartless enough to abandon Harry on the first Christmas they could share together.

"Harry, there's really no need to apologize for Sirius" I reassured him, forcing a smile to claim my trembling lips, "It's good that he's finally able to go out and enjoy him self after all these years. Don't you think?"

I was answered by tears welling up in the eyes of a young man who had seen far more of life and death than should have ever been necessary. These tears were almost my undoing; I'd not seen him cry since the beginning of his fifth year when we sat on the end of the Hogwarts dock until four in the morning watching the giant squid as he told me about Cedric's death and the death he sometimes wished for himself. It was the first of many conversations and the start of a much closer relationship than I ever dreamed I would be able to enjoy with James son. At the time I felt guilty that Sirius had been traveling on Order business and that it was I who was sharing this time with Harry, but now I was grateful for the bond I had with James and Lily's son, he was the closest to family I would ever have. Although oblivious to my past romantic relationship with his godfather, the insightful young Gryffindor was obviously aware of the strain between his father's two closest friends.

"Why did you plan all this tonight?" I asked the tousle haired boy who now stood eye level with me, but at the moment appeared far younger than his years.

"You and Sirius were always really close.......everyone who knew you says so. And you both talked about each other all the time before the war ended. Sirius would ask about you when I saw him at the moon times, and you always looked really happy when people would talk about Sirius. But now that he's free and even lives at Hogwarts you never talk. I'm sorry I sound like a whiney spoiled brat, but God, I thought I was finally going to have my father's two best friends around me but you can't even stand to be around each other. Hell, you both teach at the same fucking school and he completely avoids you."

Harry paused and dropped his gaze to the ground, as though not sure if he should go on. When he finally raised a tear streaked face to meet my gaze it was with a trembling voice that he continued.

"I thought you might be as lonely as I am. I saw the look in your eyes when Sirius left the courtroom that day, and I don't think Ron's mum knew to invite you to the party, but you left too quickly for me to catch you. When Sirius got there he was really excited, but he didn't talk to anyone. He just kept pushing through the crowd like he was trying to find someone, it was you he was looking for. When I told him that you left the trial right after he did and that you weren't at the party, he got really quiet, and then he got mad and left.

He hasn't been the same since that day. He gets happy about stuff and starts to say something, but then just stops and goes all quiet again. He spends time with me, and we have fun, but it always seems like something's missing. Then about two weeks ago, he changed. He's really happy, but now he leaves right after breakfast, and doesn't return until late. But no matter how late it is he always stops by the dorm room and says goodnight, and if he thinks I'm sleeping he puts his hand on my forehead and whispers something, it almost sounds like a prayer but he uses a different language all the time and I've always been so sleepy that I've never been able to remember well enough to look it up........and besides, I was afraid if he knew that I knew he was doing it that he would stop.......I know it sounds silly," Harry's voice trailed off and his eyes dropped back the wooden floor of the porch.

"It doesn't sound silly," I reassured him, "you've lost the most important people to you Harry, and I can understand you being afraid of losing the closeness of anyone else."

"But **you** haven't left me," Harry blurted out, then blushed at his forwardness. "That's why I planned this tonight, because you've always been there for me, and you've given Sirius and me space to be together even though it meant you've been alone. With this house as big as it is and having extra bedrooms, I always guessed that you thought Sirius would want to live here with you, and well, I guess I just figured that since we were both alone tonight, when we both probably wanted to be with Sirius, or together with Sirius.....oh gods this isn't coming out very well......." I just smiled encouragingly as the flustered teen took a deep breath and started over.

"Sirius told me why you spend Christmas Eve alone, and that when you shared a flat after school, him being there with you made it easier to face everyone. Well I just wanted you to know that there are a lot of us who are happy to be with you and it doesn't matter that you're a werewolf, it just matters that you're you."

For a moment I stared at James Potter through the glistening tears that welled in my eyes, but the moment passed, and it was James wonderful son that I drew into a tight embrace.

"Thank you Harry," my tear choked voice managed to reply, there were no other words to say.

Harry casually turned his gaze to the stars as I wiped my eyes dry with a gloved hand.

"Well, all I can say is Padfoot doesn't know what he's missing," Harry announced with a smile as the bundled form of Charlie Weasley came quickly up the walk. "Finally, our last guest has arrived; shall we go in and start the party?"

"Definitely," I agreed, although I didn't believe Padfoot gave two barks or a growl about what he was missing. As I turned to follow Harry into the throng of friends I never realized I was blessed with, something the now laughing teen said pounced to the front of my mind, "Harry, did you say Sirius was **teaching**?" But the question was lost in the wave of warm welcomes and Happy Christmas greetings.

Three hours later Harry and I stood in front of the crackling fire as Albus Dumbledore disappeared though the flames to the quiet of his office, leaving us alone for the first time since our chat on the porch.

Settling in the corner of my now butterbeer and punch stained sofa, I met the eyes of a teenage wizard who, looked for all the world, like the proverbial cat that swallowed the canary.

"So were you really surprised?" Harry questioned as he moved plates and garland in a futile attempt to clear enough space on a chair to accommodate his slender form.

"What, by the fact that in the span of the six hours, between the time Sirius told you of his change in plans and the time I left for my Christmas Eve sojourn, you were able to devise and execute a plot to secretly invite nine Weasleys, twenty-two students and six faculty members including Dumbledore and McGonagall to my home with out my slightest knowledge? No, I was not surprised in the least you are, after all, James son and Sirius's godson. However, the fact that you were able to somehow convince Severus Snape to spend three hours sitting in my parlor playing wizards chess with Neville Longbottom, shocked the hell out of me. I laud and honor you as a Marauder extraordinaire" With these words, I did actually stand and bow to the bespectacled boy who was laughing so hard he could barely stay in his chair.

In a moment the laughter was gone and Harry's expression turned somber as I again reclaimed my seat on the sofa.

"Aw, Snape was easy, war changes people," Harry stated simply, the paused . "It changed you and Sirius."

"I'm not sure it was the war that changed my friendship with Sirius," I offered hesitantly, not really wanting to reveal the depth of our relationship. Harry had spoiled me with friends, laughter and a wonderful Christmas Eve; I wasn't about to let the black band of loneliness reclaim my heart quite so soon.

"Sirius and I both changed during the time he spent in Azkaban, and we've only spent a few days together since the night we all met in the Shrieking Shack. Sirius was always fiercely independent Harry, he enjoyed the support of his friends and he was very social, but he liked to accomplish things on his own.

That's part of the reason he was willing to travel as much as he did during both of Voldemort's attempted rises to power. The work that Sirius did was important, it allowed him to use his powers as a wizard, his gift of linguistics, and because he was only asked to travel for short periods of time during the first war, he was able to be home enough to help watch over you when your parents were involved in their work, and be with me during many of the full moons."

Harry looked completely dumbfounded at my summation of his godfather's war efforts.

"Remus," Harry began, cautious questioning laying heavy on his voice, "what exactly did Sirius do during the wars?"

"You mean to tell me that Sirius has never told you about the time he spent in the field or what he did for the Order?" I snapped, my voice sounding sharp even to my own ears.

"No, he's never said anything except that it made him mad he couldn't be with you for the full moons during the second war, but he never said why. I asked him a few questions but he always changed the subject, so I stopped asking." Harry confessed.

"Well, it's not my place to tell you the specifics, Harry, that's Sirius' decision, but if I can manage to corner him sometime I will speak to him about opening up to you a bit more, I think you would find his work fascinating.........I always did." I promised the attention starved young man, who sat silently, hanging on my every word.

"However I will tell you the basics. You do know that your godfather is able to speak fluently in eight different languages, and conversationally in three more?......I will assume by your shocked expression that this is information he has not shared with you." I sighed in exasperation, wondering why such an intelligent person would choose to hide his gifts from a godson who so desperately wanted to be close to him.

"Sirius could have been a very effective auror, Harry, but he chose to put his power to a more proactive use. Sirius spent his time traveling internationally training foreign Ministry officials in the latest and most effective wards and counter-curses. Sirius was able to act as a very persuasive envoy for Dumbledore and the English Ministry during a time when trust was not a thing that was easily earned. He served much the same function during the second war. As far as not being able to be with me during the full moons of the second war, I think you know why that was." I ended wanting Harry to think at least one thing through for him-self.

"He was always there during the full moons, but he was there to protect us while you weren't able to. I remember overhearing Sirius begging Dumbledore to let him go see you during one of the moons right before the end of the war; but Dumbledore insisted there always had to be at least four designated protectors on alert at all times during the moons. He told Sirius that you had been taking the potion, so you would be okay with out him. It was one of the only times I've ever seen Sirius cry." Harry's voice trailed softly off to nothing as he spoke the finally words.

"You two were very close friends, closer even than you were with my dad." It was a statement not a question that fell from the suddenly pale lips of a very confused and hurt young man.

"No Harry, Sirius and I both loved your father very much, it was just a different kind of friendship," I hedged still not willing to divulge the truth without consulting my ex-lover. I should be grateful for Sirius's newfound off campus activates, for they were certainly the only reason Harry wasn't asking more specific questions. The boy wasn't stupid; sooner or later he was going to figure out the details.

Smiling once again Harry stood and began cleaning up the mess that was a telltale sign of a good party. Placing a hand on his shoulder I firmly turned him toward the fireplace and deposited floo powder in his hand.

"I'll take care of this mess," I informed him, my tone leaving no room for argument. "It's only ten o'clock and I'm certain Ron is waiting for you and the map to return so you can commence with whatever plans you have lined up." Smiling conspiratorially I pointed at the barely visible map protruding slightly from the large side pocket of Harry's robe.

"Yes, well... um ...ya...,we do have a.... er... um some plans, so to speak, if you're sure about the mess and all. I mean I hate to trash your place and then just take off."

"You're not taking off Harry, I'm sending you off. And yes, I'm quite capable of managing a few quick clean-up charms. Who knows I might just clean up the muggle way and then curl up with a copy of "A Christmas Carol" that I happen to have handy. Although I'm sure what ever you and Ron have planned will be far more exciting. And Harry.....Thank you again. You have no idea how much this evening meant to me."

I wrapped Harry in a quick embrace before the smiling teen turned to the fireplace and raised his hand to toss in the magical powder. Just has he was about to shout Gryffindor Common Room, he turned to face me, apparently there was something left unsaid.

"Remus......Moony, you know what it is that Sirius says when he thinks I'm asleep don't you?" Harry asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes Harry, I do."

"Will you tell me, please?" the soft voice tugged at my heart.

How could I not tell him, how could I keep such an honest display of love from a child who yearned for it so desperately? Simple I told my self, I can't keep it from him, but I can make him work for it, I thought smugly, I am still a Marauder after all.

"Quid Pro Quo Harry," I said slyly.

"All right," the hesitant reply came from the lips of our original ring- leaders son.

"You said Sirius is teaching at Hogwarts, what in Merlin's name is he teaching?"

A slight smile tugged at the edge of Harry's mouth. I had gone easy on him, or so he thought.

"He doesn't exactly teach......yet," the suddenly hesitant boy started to explain. "He's been coaching Quidditch at night and on the weekends, when you're not there. He also tutors kids that need some extra help, probably in subjects he was really good at because they say he's really great at explaining things."

"No Harry, it's probably the subjects he had to work at, that he's a better tutor for." I paused but continued on seeing the confused look behind the smudged spectacles.

"Sirius received excellent marks in all his classes Harry, but he had to actually study for a few of them, and those are the classes that would be easier for him to teach. It would force him to slow down and think about what he was trying to explain. With subjects he was good at, Sirius would understand the content so completely that he wouldn't be able to dissect the ideas in small enough concepts to teach them. Does that make sense," I asked hoping that I hadn't sounded too pompous in my explanation.

"Yes, that makes perfect sense," Harry responded after taking a moment to process the information. " But Sirius said you were really good at DADA in school, so how come you're such a great teacher?"

"Thank you for the compliment Harry," I began trying to control the blush I felt heading up my neck and cheeks, " but I've always wanted to teach, so I've studied and practiced and paid attention to teachers that I've admired over the years. I'm sure in time Sirius will become very good at helping students with any subject they are having trouble with. But you said Sirius isn't teaching **yet**........is he taking a permanent position at Hogwarts?"

"Oh no I told you what he's teaching now, so Mr. Moony you need to tell me what Sirius recites to me at night." Harry stammered, obviously nervous about revealing something he shouldn't.

"All right," I demurred, never wanting Harry to be forced to choose between Sirius and myself.

"You know that Sirius and I babysat for you while your parents were working. It was easy for me to be with you during the day as I had far fewer obligations to attend to," Harry nodded and blushed slightly at my tact wording, "and the research work that I was doing for Dumbledore could usually be accomplished while I was caring for you. Sirius's schedule was, of course, more demanding and there where periods when his job kept him away for weeks at a time. But when he was home, he loved spending time with you...."

"More than he does now obviously........" I was cut off by Harry's dejected voice, as he sat heavily on an ottoman by the fireplace.

"Give him time Harry." I requested softly, kneeling before him, "He spent twelve years isolated from society. Harry he was just two months shy of his twenty second birthday when they took him, he was only five and half years older than you. He's come so far in the last three years Harry. Think about the man you first saw in the shack, and then look at what he's become, the difference is phenomenal.

Sirius never had enough patience to deal with children, except for you. That's why it amazes me that he's coaching, let alone tutoring. I'm astonished he hasn't knocked anyone off their broom!" I chuckled trying to lighten Harry's mood again.

"I didn't say he hadn't." Harry said flatly then smiled at the flabbergasted look covering my face, but continued quickly on " No, he hasn't de-broomed anyone yet, but he spends a lot of time after practice pounding bludgers. I think we frustrate him a bit," the seeker admitted with earnest surprise.

"Yes, I'm sure you do," I agreed trying without success to keep the amused tone from my voice, while imagining my short- tempered mate flinging Malfoy through a goal ring like a toe-headed quaffle.

"What is it that Sirius says to me at night Moony?" Harry's almost pleading tone brought me quickly back to the reason we began this line of conversation.

"It's something he rattled off from his heart one night, more a poem than a prayer really. Not perfect by any-means, but honest and true," I sighed deeply, remembering the first night we'd watched Harry. Both of us nervous, but determined to make sure he understood the incredibly deep love we felt for him.

"It took me hours to get Sirius to finally lay you down in your cradle, he wanted to hold you all night. He was so afraid his precious godson would suffer at the command of Voldemort's wand. And in the end you did, just not the way he imagined.

When he finally left you to the warmth of your bed, he stood there with his hand on your forehead, softy speaking in Gaelic, the poem stuck with him and with me; they simply became a ritual for us."

Finally I had no choice but to speak the words out-loud that every night for the last fifteen years had been whispered only in my heart.

"Sleep now sweet child Though danger draws near The moon and the stars Will always be here

Though not of our loins You live deep in our heart The paths that we travel Can't keep us apart

We'll never be parents Except in our soul For that's where we hold you And live out that role

The wolf and the dog Share a love- bond soul deep With that love we'll protect you Now, little one......sleep."

Harry was silent for a moment, then asked the question whose answer could change everything.

"You and Sirius didn't just live together did you? You were **together**."

There was no disgust or repulsion in the soft voice, only attempted understanding for what he thought I must be feeling. Harry had almost become an expert on werewolves; he knew we mated for life, but he'd never asked if I had.

Suddenly the pain was too much. The sympathetic look in those soulful green eyes took me back to the morning after the incident with Snape, when Lily and James had tried their best to comfort me when I found out what my mate had done.

Now once again Lily's eyes and James face, molded into a mask of unquestioning compassion, revisited me at a time I needed it most.

"Good night Harry," I said quietly, rising to my feet. It wasn't an answer, but he really didn't need one.

I was quickly wrapped in a tight embrace as the incredible young man whispered in my ear.

"I'll be here for breakfast in the morning, and you're coming to Hogwarts for Christmas dinner tomorrow, you don't need to be alone just because my godfather is acting like an arse. There are plenty of people who will be happy to see you, tonight should have proved that."

Harry swiftly released me and jumped into the flames without giving me any time to argue.

I turned to look at the mess, sighed yet again, then headed upstairs to change into pajamas and a robe before cleaning up. Morning would come early and I knew Harry would be true to his word....I could expect to have company for breakfast and an escort to the castle. All I hoped now was that Sirius wasn't bringing a date.

Upon returning to the main level and surveying the mess I decided that cleaning up muggle- style was far too much work for Christmas Eve. Instead, I muttered a few quick spells and within moments my usually well ordered home was returned to its normal state; except of for the butterbeer and punch stains on the sofa that kept reappearing in the shape of a heart. Perhaps George and Heromine could provide an explanation, as it was in the spot where they had been snogging most of the night.

Snogging on Christmas Eve in front of the fireplace.......damn you Siri, how could you pick tonight of all nights to start a new life with someone else.

No, I told myself, I was lucky to have spent the time I did with Sirius and although I missed my mate desperately, I did want him to be happy....... even if I was no longer the person who made that happiness a reality.

I had survived on my own for the last fifteen years, I would not allow the memories of Christmas past to spoil the few years I had to enjoy my life.

This time Sirius had left me intentionally; it was only a matter of time until this betrayal by my mate would drive me mad. It had already started in small ways. I could catch his scent in my classroom, when I knew he'd been out of the country for days. I could sense his presence while I was teaching or sitting at my desk eating lunch, and on the nights of the full moon when, even with the wolfsbane potion, Moony still cried for his mate, I swore I could hear the sound of paws scratching on the cellar doors, the simple presence calming the wolf. Everyday the pain and confusion in Moony's soul dug deeper into my heart. Harry's wonderful gift was only a momentary reprieve from the internal hell that would eventually drive me to a demonic delirium. Most likely, unless I could convince some one to kill me, I would die a slow painful death imprisoned at Azkaban. Perhaps Sirius could be convinced to pull the trigger, in essence he already had.

'Oh well, there was no use standing around bemoaning my matelessness. I was not in Azkaban yet and I had no intentions of going without a fight'.

Ready to head up stairs I grabbed my well- worn copy of "A Christmas Carol" from the bookcase and extinguished the fire. I was only mildly surprised by a knock at the door, probably Fred or George, stopping to retrieve the forgotten dungbombs I discovered inside the icebox. Harry had given me a great gift this night, the gift of friendship, acceptance and thanks very much to the Weasley twins....laughter. As my hand reached the door- knob, I realized the only thing I was missing was the love of a man, who at this very moment was probably about to charm his way into the arms of a very lucky bedmate.

"Good evening Remus."

Damn, I hadn't meant **me**.

"Hello, Sirius." I greeted my incredibly gorgeous mate, with as little enthusiasm as possible, "You're a bit late, everyone's already left."

_What are you doing'?_ Moony screamed at me from behind the bars I was barley keeping in place, _'this is our mate, don't push him away, take him...NOW'_

"Actually I stopped by earlier, I didn't realize you would be entertaining, and I didn't want to show up to your party uninvited."

"Ah, well I guess that's a toss up between a bit of Deja Vu, or simply cruel irony." I replied unable to keep from raising an eyebrow to punctuate the statement.

"Touché," Sirius' voice was unwavering but overlaid with regret.

_Now, he wants us. Take him, claim him, now_

"You aren't exactly dressed for church Remus." My apparently self- appointed date, stated casually, as his storm tossed eyes swept the length of my frame with undisguised longing. Then to my complete surprise Sirius lowered his long lashed lids and bowed his head in embarrassment at the realization of his inappropriate behavior.

Sirius could have been wearing Hagrid's hand-me-down mole-skin coat, and he would still be resplendent but of course the ebony haired Adonis standing before me looked as though he just stepped off a Paris runway.

Turn-about's fairplay I decided, slowly taking in every detail of the man whose body I'd once known better than my own.

The slightly too large feet were of course encased in comfortably well worn but polished dragon-hide boots, the majority of which were concealed by the legs of black jeans that molded perfectly to every contour of the long well muscled thighs.

Chuckling softly, my eyes retraced their path, taking note of the barely bowed legs that James had insisted were a result of Sirius spending too much time with said limbs wrapped around my chest. Sirius argued vehemently that my chest was, far too thin to result in such a blemish to his self-proclaimed fabulous physique, and that mutton busting on his uncle's New Zealand ranch as a youth was to blame. This comment only encouraged James to jokingly observe that the real damage done by Sirius riding baby sheep as a child, was the fact that he now liked to ride me. In the end Madame Pomfrey refused to heal the testicles of either boy and both walked around with ice packs for several days. Much to my irritation 'Remus Riding' was out of the question.

Returning from my memory, I only raised a tawny eyebrow in response to the quizzical look that now graced the face of the man who allowed himself to remain openly on display for my viewing pleasure.

I realized this enticing creature was well aware of the wolf's hunger showing with feral ferocity behind our shared amber orbs, but that couldn't be helped. Sirius had never used my inability to hide Moony's desires against me; the barely controllable sexual impulses were only mentioned when I was allowing myself and in turn my mate to enjoy one of the few rewarding attributes of being a werewolf.

Continuing the visual assessment my gaze headed from thighs to chest, intentionally avoiding the urge to linger on the region my lust filled appraisal had already roused to strain against the soft cotton fabric.

_You thirst for him as I do, you want that warm liquid of life. Take him, drink of his essence_

The ivory cable knit sweater did little to hide the once again muscular chest that I had loved to pillow against during the long loving nights we had spent wrapped together as one. Harry said Sirius had been pounding bludgers after practice, and from the look of it his frustration level must have been very high. This mature version of the Gryffindor beater I had loved from the age of thirteen made the teenage Sirius look emaciated. The desire to run my fingers over the rippling pectorals that were barely hidden by the tight fitting sweater was almost too much. I quickly forced my gaze upward to the long lush neck that was equally as tempting to the heart of the wolf as it was to the man. Finally my eyes reached the handsome face that was amazingly untouched by time and terror. Full lips and elegant black brows only served to accent the winter-whitened flesh I longed to mark once again as my own. Yet, crowning his glory were the silken ebony strands that were pulled back in a sleek long tail that almost blended with the black wool topcoat that hung gracefully to brush mid- calf.

Sirius was stunning to the eye, but dangerous to the heart. My mind flashed back to his original statement, 'You aren't dressed for church Remus.' Had he really said that just moments ago? I felt as if I'd been drowning in his eyes for hours.

"You know I don't attend Christmas Eve services alone, Sirius." I managed to reply as my eyes lingered over neck and lips.

"Well I hadn't planned on leaving you alone," Sirius laughed then quickly cast his eyes down as the poorly planned words slapped at his conscience. For a moment it was silent, as we both watched the toe of one polished dragon hide boot kick nervously at the heal of it's mate.

"I've been waiting out here quite a while Remus," the resilient pup continued, "I thought you and Harry were going to talk all night....." his voice trailed off but the hint of loneliness and jealousy hung heavy between us in the cool crisp air, air into which the vapor of our breathe clung together then dissipated to nothing.

"May I come in?" The beautiful baritone voice was steady with determination, yet soft and sincere, as was the hand that reached hesitantly out to caress my own trembling fingers. "Please Remus,......I just wanna talk to you."

_It's Padfoot, It's Paddy_

Moony whimpered once, then changed tactics

_You **know** what I'll do to you if you turn him away_

But the threat wasn't necessary; my resolve had crumbled with the touch of his hand.

"Of course Sirius, how rude of me," I sighed and waved the man who should have shared this home for the last six months across the threshold for the first time, "Please come in."

I lead my unexpected guest to the living room, willing candles to life as we went. Sirius took in the comfortable yet simple furnishings with a single sweep of sapphire eyes that were trained to notice every detail. Pausing briefly on the heart stained sofa the question voiced only by the rise of an ebony eyebrow was answered simply by a blasé shrug of my own narrow yet muscular shoulders.

At last his gaze came to rest on the many pictures adorning the mantel of the now lifeless fireplace; no visage of my mate was counted among them. At the look of despair, which clouded the now uncertain face, I longed to tell him of my most precious picture. A picture placed close on my bed side table, that allowed me to wake to the smile I would always love and bid goodnight as I passed into a restless repose, dreaming of the warm wanton body I wished to have wrapped within my own lonely limbs.

As I watched Sirius slide the soft wool coat down his long muscular arms, I was suddenly reminded that I was clad only in pajama pants and a thin cotton robe.

"I'll just put on a kettle for tea then go up and change clothes I called over my shoulder to the now seated but fidgeting canine, as I headed for the kitchen.

"Something more comfortable?" Sirius inquired, attempting to lighten the mood with a slightly suggestive tone, but failed miserably.

"Something warmer," I corrected with a lightly but definitively, setting the kettle on the stove. Something more concealing I admitted to myself at the thought of my long absent mates close proximity.

"Well then don't worry about changing," came the muffled yet jokingly smug voice of the still charming Gryffindor, "I promise you'll be warm and toasty....I've started a fire."

Prepared to argue against anything that could be construed as even slightly romantic, I rounded the corner from kitchen to living room only to be stopped in my tracks by the sight before me.

Sirius was bending in front of the fireplace, his gorgeous taunt arse raised teasingly in the air as he prepared kindling, paper and wood for the muggle style fire he always preferred.

Grasping tightly to the back of a chair, I closed my eyes to shut out the enticing display, but the soul of the wolf can see through flesh; and the desires of the dark demon were commanding me to take and to claim with out thought to my human heart or to the heart of a mate who'd abandoned us months ago.

"I'm sorry Remus."

The apologetic voice was soft and very close, too close. When I opened my eyes Sirius was facing me as he knelt on the seat of the chair who's back I clung to like a life.

"For what, Sirius? What are you sorry for this time?" my voice was sharp and mocking but Sirius never flinched. Even as the gleaming golden glare of the wolf who shared my amber orbs, stared down its intended meal, the prey stood it's ground; and by this action the wolf was aroused even further.

"For the battle you're waging with Moony; the fight for humanity that never ends. Don't think for a moment I don't know what's going on behind that calm expression, you know you can't hide him, not even after fifteen years apart." Meeting the dual presence of souls that fought to control my eyes, Sirius continued with knowing appraisal of the struggle I was quickly loosing. "Moony doesn't care how badly I've hurt you. He would command you to take me up stairs and make- love to me until the sunrises or until he's satisfied that his mate has been well and truly claimed."

"You give Moony too much credit Sirius," I laughed in morbid amusement at his summation. "The wolf doesn't care about soft beds. He'd have me take you here on the rug and show his love by fucking your gorgeous arse into floorboards." I spat the words with all the loathing I felt toward the creature who's will I was so close to obeying. " In case you've forgotten, I'm the one who likes foreplay by firelight before I claim my mate." I finished tapping my in a mock bite for exclamation.

I should have noticed the icy glaze that momentarily froze my mates beautiful face, but I was too wrapped up in my own self- pity.

Sirius rose and slowly walked to the Christmas tree. A tree that now included a new package from the time I left the room, but I said nothing of its appearance, refusing to be baited by this notorious schemer. Reaching deep within the branches the now smiling marauder pulled out a small present and smiled as he read the tag.

"To: Padfoot From: Moony" Sirius announced aloud, then continued with an amused laughed. "Remus, you bought me a present." Sirius beamed, then shook the box like a three year old.

"I **made** you a present," I corrected quickly, embarrassed by my gift in the light of unrequited feelings. " Open it if you like." I added hastily, hoping to give the impression of not giving a damn what he did with it.

"I can't open it yet Remus," Sirius responded in a scandalized tone.

"Why not," I asked truly confused by his response.

"It's not Christmas yet!" my mate explained as though I were completely daft for having to ask.

"Well I suppose you could stay until 12:01 if you like," I sputtered, caught off guard be the ludicrous reasoning.

At this proposed solution Sirius crossed the room to once again kneel on the chair I still used as a fortress between myself and this flirtatious fiend who tempted and teased the wolf while feigning to understand my struggle.

"I was hoping to stay around long enough to cook you breakfast." Sirius stated with a slightly trembling voice raised barley above a whisper.

"Subtle, Sirius," I almost giggled with disbelief, as my voice dripped with sarcasm. "Very subtle."

To my complete surprise these were the words that finally cracked the façade. Sirius squeezed is eyes shut and lifted his face to the ceiling in an attempt to block the streams of liquid despair that tracked silver streaks down his ruggedly handsome face.

"I'm sorry Remus, you deserve so much better than that," his voice broke as he sank into the chair with his head in his hands. "I never insulted your intelligence with stupid lines like that when we were in school and I certainly shouldn't have done it now. It's just that none of my plans for tonight are turning out like I hoped." Sirius choked out the final words looking every bit a bewildered and lost puppy.

I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around my confused and crying mate and instead walked to face him from in front of the fireplace.

I knew the gleam of the fire highlighted my honey toned hair with a golden glow that would drive Sirius mad, but just for a moment I wanted him to suffer....God knows I had.


	2. Chapter Two - Part A

For a long moment I looked into the lost and lonely eyes of the only lover I had ever known, imagining the taste of his soft sweet mouth and the feel of warm flesh pressed tight against my own. As I licked my lips at the thought of ravaging this splendid creature I realized that I couldn't allow the wolf to win. I didn't want a one-night stand with Sirius; I wanted the forever we had promised each other so very long ago. I had survived fourteen years without the pleasure of his touch and had I known that he would leave us I would have fought to deny the passion of the beast during the brief time he stayed at my home after the tri-wizard tournament.

Suddenly, I realized how cruel I was being by tempting my mate with something I was not prepared to offer. I didn't want him to suffer; I wanted him to tell me why he no longer wanted us, no longer needed and desired us except as a convenience. I wanted answers, but wasn't sure I'd believe the honey-coated voice even under Vertosium. I wanted the **truth** no matter how much it hurt.... at least I **thought** I did.

Moving away from the glow of the fireplace that gilded my hair in a beguiling tone of molten gold, I crossed to the ottoman Harry had occupied only thirty minutes before. Sinking lightly down onto the overstuffed piece of burgundy damask covered wood, foam and fluff. I pulled my robe tightly around me as I continued to gaze at the tear stained face of a man who now held my life so carelessly in his hands when it used to be treasured in his heart.

"I'm sorry your plans haven't worked out for you tonight Sirius." I began trying to sound compassionate yet detached, all while struggling to block out the screams of the wolf, and the desires of my heart. "However, as interesting as the offer is to enjoy your ...um... **cooking** shall we say, I'm afraid I already have a date for breakfast. He's also escorting me to Hogwarts for the Christmas Feast." I finished, wanting to make sure he understood I would be in his presence tomorrow; assuming he planned on keeping his promise to spend Christmas Day with Harry.

Sirius was on his feet instantly; eyes blazing with barley suppressed anger and jealousy.

" **He** , who the hell is **he**?" Sirius growled; asking the question more of himself than of me as he paced the length of the sofa, raking his hand across the top of his tightly tailed hair. " Oh.... shit.......I never thought that you could ,,,that you would.....oh God I guess I didn't think.........."

With those words all the passion and anger of the wolf flared within me as I watched the Sirius of old retrace his steps over and over again. Then something happened that I had very rarely allowed to occur and never in front of my mate if I could possibly help it. I lost my temper; and with it I almost lost the light of my life. But the wolf didn't care; he was beyond angry, he was hurt.

_How dare our mate be mad at us! He's the one that left and never came back. We forgave that he didn't trust us.........We took him to our bed........We showed him love_

"What Sirius? **What** did you think?" I goaded him, my normally well- modulated voice dripping with the vengeance of Moony's unspoken pain. "Did you think that because we're mated for life I should just sit around waiting for you to decide what you want? Or was it that you didn't think I should be capable of being in someone else's company while you avoided me and ignored me? Or perhaps you just haven't bothered to think at all for the last five months! Unless, of course, you were thinking about **whoever** it was that was more important than Harry on Christmas Eve. Who ever was **so** special you made sure Harry knew you wouldn't be sleeping at Hogwarts tonight?" I paused briefly waiting for Sirius to return the verbal assault....praying for him to tell me I was wrong, but no words escaped his lips. He only stared at me, his usually beacon bright eyes dull and unseeing . The longer he stared the more angry I became.

"So, what is it Sirius? Your plans fell through tonight so you thought you'd stop by for a little farewell fuck with the werewolf?.... Is that it?..... **You're** free to shag whom ever you like, but you know damn well you're the only lover I'll ever have."

'The only lover I'll ever have,' once it was a promise of a life long dream, but now it rang out as the sentence of a long life of loneliness.

"Is that the fun of it Sirius?" I now asked in genuine confusion, my voice once again soft and controlled. "Is it comforting to know that you're always guaranteed an easy lay? If you don't think walking out seventeen months ago and never coming back didn't make me feel every bit the whore that Snape and the Slytherins always accused me of being, you were wrong. Black's little bitch....Black's little fuck toy." The words swirled in my brain conjuring memories of taunting voices and tear-filled nightmares. "Is that all I am to you now Sirius .... just your little whore?" My voice broke on the final word, tears flooding my eyes and cascading down my face as I hunched over on the ottoman forehead cradled against splayed fingers tips. Moonys eyes peaking out between my fingers, like golden glowing topaz from the back of his cage.

Sirius only stared at me, his face a death mask, ghostly white except for the silver tear tracks that glistened in the firelight. He made no attempt to stop the flow that drizzled across his pain-constricted features; made no attempt to close the gap between us, and when he finally spoke his voice caused the wolf's hackles to rise, so full of pain and regret did it flow from his mouth. Although not intended as it was spoken, the next sentence would shatter my soul and make me long for death.

" **You** felt like a whore? What about **me**?" Sirius hissed "When Dumbledore told me to lie low at Lupin's he didn't say anything about staying flat on my back at the mercy of the wolf for four days!"

Sirius realized his mistake immediately, unfortunately immediately was one sentence too late.

"Oh God Re....I didn't mean it like that." Sirius took a step toward me and began to apologize but the simple movement of my body stopped the useless flow of belated words.

It was as if I had no control over the retreating wolf as I partially rose and stumbled backward away from him; my shoulders and back hunched and trembling. Moony was cowering in the deepest recess of his cage whimpering like a puppy, whipped for a wrong he committed out of love.

My own actions I realized had unknowingly mirrored my canine as I found I had backed my self to the edge of the room. Cornered by the juncture of walls I slid to the floor burying the wide, wild-eyed stare of the wolf into the knees I had pulled tight to my chest.

'We'd used our mate. The love we thought we'd bestowed on him had been perceived as abuse. We'd hurt him, used him........oh God he thought we'd raped him.'

I no longer cared that I shook like a trapped animal in the corner of my warm comfortable home. My mind and soul were shattered by the memory of Sirius leaving the ramshackle house I'd been forced to occupy after losing my job at Hogwarts, Sirius leaving in the pale light of a waning August moon.

He had only been able to stay five days and could barley walk when he had arrived. He'd been so tired, bruised and bloody from traveling for days on end as Padfoot.

A long denied and much desired tight velvet embrace took the place of words, as healing was found between slender thighs and tender kisses. The wolf had been both demure and demanding in the taking of his mate. At times his desire to claim became rough and rampant, but never had a desire to dominate due to the long separation ever been sought in the form of rape.

The glassy-eyed gaze and the powerful pleas to God were thought to be a product of pleasure not pain, but when he left, the glassy stare remained even as he kissed me good-bye. I assumed he had only been stunned by having to leave so soon, but now I knew the truth. No wonder he never came back.... I deserved to be abandoned for what I had done.....for what I had allowed the wolf to do. The wolf that now cried with my tears and howled in my heart...........oh god what had we done.......

I flinched and whimpered, curling further inward on myself at the unexpected sensation of loving hands, stroking softly through my hair.

"Re......Re please.....Re, look at me. Please?" Sirius's voice was soft and pleading.

'Oh sweet Merlin was he still here? How could he stand to touch me after what I'd done?'

"Re, please look at me, please I didn't mean it like that.....not the way you think I did. Please let me explain. Oh, god Re don't shut me out. I know I've acted like a complete arse but please don't shut me out....please Re.........I love you.

At the sound of his final words my head shot up, unable to believe they had really been spoken. No fear was present in the soulful sapphire spheres as they met my red- rimmed golden glare.

"How can you say that after what I've done?" I shuddered, shaking my hair away from the undeserved caress.

"Because it's true. I love you and you are going to hear me out. Now come here." He coaxed indicating to the sofa as he rose to his feet.

Unable to face him, I pressed my forehead into moist cold palms, trying to stop the tears that flowed steadily from the eyes of a monster.

"Fine," my now very determined mate huffed in exasperation, " I'll come to you."

Before I realized his intended actions, Sirius had dropped next to me on the floor cross- legged and pulled me onto his lap.

"Don't hold me on your......."

"Be quiet Re." I was firmly instructed as a large gentle hand pressed my head against a strong comforting shoulder. "You are going to hear me out Remus Lupin, so for once just let me be strong for you when you're not covered in fur and blood.

"Sirius....Siri....please you know how I feel about you holding my on your lap."

"Yes, Re. I do." Sirius stated in a very understanding tone, but gave no impression of letting me move.

" I know all too well that it goes back to sixth year, when we first told James and Lily and Peter that we were in love. James was sitting on a couch in the common room with Lily on his lap and when I pulled you onto mine Peter made some stupid comment about 'James and Sirius with their girlfriends on their knees.' From that point on you never let hold you like that, not even in private, because you thought it made you, as I believe you said at the time, 'girlie and weak'....and werewolves can't be weak ." Sirius paused for a moment, softly stroking my hair while settling me more comfortably on his lap by rearranging his long folded legs just a bit.

"You have no idea how much I hated Peter for saying that," Sirius continued on unexpectedly as if talking from a dream, "he took so much away from me with that one stupid, thoughtless phrase......" Siri's voice trailed off as we both thought back on the bitter words and accusation that had been exchanged only moments before.

It was strange to be sitting on the lap of a man who had effectively called me a rapist then told me he loved me; yet some how after fourteen years of forced separation and eighteen additional months of unexplained abandonment, I believed him.......I believed that he still loved me.

Very quietly his voice came back to whisper in my ear, " I felt safe when I held you. Your very presence was comforting, warm and stable. It proved you were really there....really mine, that I was loved. And then Peter had to take it all away."

Shifting gently into him I dropped my head to snuggle perfectly under his chin as I wrapped my inside arm around the small of his back and allowed myself to be held and cuddled for the first time in almost twenty years. We were both aware of the pleasant hardness that pressed against jeans and pajama pants, but for now it went unmentioned; we were content to simply enjoy the comfort of a warm embrace.

"Moony?" Sirius questioned, running his lips gently across my hair. "If I try to explain this mess I've made over the last year and a half, will you promise to listen to me and try not to interject too much? It's still very difficult for me to have a prolonged interactive conversation, but if you just let me talk it through I think I can give you a better idea of where my mind has and hasn't been. Okay?"

"Mmmmmhmmm," I murrmered, my nose tracing the hollow of his neck, as Moony sighed with contentment at the smell and feel of his mate. I had waited and prayed for this moment from the first day he was cleared by the Ministry, and although his sharp words still hung in my heart, I was very willing to listen. After all, I'd voiced my share of stinging blows this night also.

My strong stunning mate settled back against the wall and wrapped his arms firmly around me as he began to relate the experiences from the last fifteen years that had brought us to this place; a place on the floor in the corner of the living room, basking in the glow of Christmas lights and long awaited love.

"First things first love," my ebony haired story teller began but stopped quickly, and tensed at the open use of a term of endearment he was obviously comfortable with but wasn't sure the sentiment was shared.

"Well, go on love," I encouraged never raising my head from the comfort of his chest but tightening my grip around his waist just a tad.

"Well, yes I guess first things first. I don't know where in hell you got the god awful idea that I was seeing someone else but I will make my self perfectly clear right now. I have **never** nor will I **ever** be with anyone but you. I made a commitment to you when I was sixteen years old and I will never break it. But I do want to know who this bastard is that's sharing your table and escorting you to the castle tomorrow? ..........Well? Remus who is he? You might as well tell me because even if I have to sleep on the doorstep as Padfoot I **will** be here for breakfast tomorrow.'

"I think Padfoot might be allowed to curl up in front of the fire and the **bastard** would be your godson," I smiled looking up into his eyes for the first time since he gathered me onto his lap.

" **You're** a right bastard Remus Lupin, leading me on like that." He grinned tilting his head down to meet my gaze, love radiating from star sapphire eyes. Eyes that were much closer than they were a moment ago. Dazzling eyes that blurred than disappeared with the closing of my own as our lips met for the first time since he walked out of my life under a pale August moon.

The kiss was soft, gentle and laden with a promise of things to come, but this time words needed to take precedence; yet the promise was made and the night was ours.

Pulling away I once again pillowed my head against the soft ivory sweater that hid softer ivory skin.

"You have a great relationship with Harry, he talks about you all the time. Re, I haven't had the nerve to tell him about us yet, I needed to get past today first."

This time there was no jealousy in the melodical voice, only longing.

"Siri, you didn't tell you that you're **multi lingual** why would I think you would tell him you're **bi-sexual**.? Besides, he knows. He asked me about the poem, because he was afraid if he asked you, you would quit stopping by to say it. He's a smart kid Paddy you should share more with him."

"He's okay with it, with us being in love?" The still wide-eyed Gryffindor smiled in amazement.

"Well at the moment he only thinks that I'm in love and that you are just acting like an arse. You stood us both up tonight with your clandestine plans and trips to Gringotts and then on to a late night outing. That's why he planned the party tonight....as a surprise to help us keep our minds off your absence and to show me that I had friends who would stand beside me......even on Christmas Eve." As I finished speaking, Sirius sighed and stroked his cheek against the top of head.

"It's more than Christmas Eve Re."

"I know Siri.....I know."

" Being with you was the only plan I had tonight......I've planned for this day, since the full moon after the trial. I guess it would have been better if I told you that huh?"

"Yes, Siri you do seem to have a knack for not telling people important details regarding your plans and actions." I interjected with out thought to my promise of letting him speak without interruption.

"Like switching keepers." He sighed softly.

"Like bolting from courtrooms." I corrected. Then it was my turn to drop my eyes in embarrassment, cringing at the thought of what had caused him to flee from my presence.

Sensing my inner recoil with canine clarity, my astute mate placed a firm reassuring kiss on the crown of my head.

"Re, if you had truly raped me I wouldn't be sitting here. The truth is I bolted so I could get to Gringotts before they closed. Now let me talk so you can finally have some peace."

Although not impressed that a visit to check his bank account took priority over seeing his mate, I nodded and settled back in to the comfort of his broad shoulders and muscular chest.

"I'm going to try to keep this short. If you want to tear everything apart and analyze it to death, we can do that later, for tonight I'll just keep to the most important points.

You know very well that Dementor's extract your positive emotions, thoughts and memories, leaving one with only the worst emotional poison for their soul to feast on. By the time I escaped I could still conjugate a verb in twelve different languages, but I couldn't find the words in my heart to explain my desire to save James' son. They don't take the knowledge, they take the desire to use knowledge for anything other than self destruction. As I've told you, knowing that I was innocent helped keep me sane. What I, of course, didn't say that night in the shack was that the idea that I left you alone and that you hated me also kept me sane.

I swear the memory of James and Lily's dead bodies was etched on the inside of my eyelids, for only when I slept did I see them. The waking nightmares were of you." Sirius paused as though he expected me to interrupt, but I only nestled in deeper, rotating my chest so it was almost flush with his, while sliding my hand under the warm woolen sweater to rest lightly on his waist.

"The worst memory was of the night you claimed me as your mate. I remembered telling you that I didn't need a ceremony and vows, or fancy dress robes and formal pictures to tell me what we meant to each other. That a blood binding bite born out of love was a deeper commitment than any the Ministry or the church would condone, even if they would let us marry legally. I remembered saying I didn't need any of those things because I would always have the memory of that night, but within a week I couldn't remember the look in your eyes the first time we made love. Within two weeks I couldn't remember that night at all. God Re.....I couldn't remember our wedding......because that's really what it was.....a binding, a joining .....it was the only wedding I'd ever have and I couldn't remember it. But I could remember how important it was and that it bound us together........but I knew that now that bond hurt you and that you were alone because of me, and that you hated me.....you must have hated me."

Siri paused as tears dripped on my hair and trickled down to trace the shell of my ear. It took everything I had not to say anything , but instead gently kissed his neck and placed my head against his shoulder.

"When I escaped and headed to London and then to Hogwarts I read everything I could get my eyes on. I need to fill in the lost years....needed to know what the rest of the world had lived. It wasn't easy but it's amazing what people throw way so I just kept digging through trash cans at night, until I found things that would be helpful.

It was astonishing that I still had a solid grasp on reality after twelve years in that festering fortress. But I believe it was due to us having to grow up so fast after school. You were always mature Re, you were a mature eleven year old. That's why so many girls chased after you, you know, because you didn't act stupid like the rest of us. But we all grew up over night didn't we.....we crammed ten years worth of life, blood, death and happiness into those three years.....we were old Re, we were aged by a demon of death that cared not for the lives of anyone, especially the young and powerful.

You were always powerful Re, but when I held you for that brief moment in the shack I could feel the magic radiating around you and within you. You looked so different, yet all the beauty was still there and in that instant that in which you first believed I was innocent all the light came back to your eyes and I could see Moony peering out in disbelief at the wreck his mate had become.....and that's when it started, the fear and the doubt.

Re you were so good about sending me things to read and study when ever you could, it was almost as if I'd lived the eighties at least in terms of the Wizarding World. So many memories of us as kids, as the marauders came flooding back just by simply seeing things and hearing things, but the memories of you and me together stayed just on the fringe, shadowed and misty.....until I laid in your arms , and felt the power of the wolf moving within me. It was like the rush when you caste your first spell and everything seems full of promise and possibilities.....I remembered everything......you gave me back everything in those four days Re. You gave me the ability and the desire to love and to care, to smile and laugh. You gave me back everything...everything but my mate... my life partner.

That's what I meant when I said I felt like a whore. You spent four days alternating between making love to me so gently that I thought I would die from the tenderness of your touch, and driving into me so fucking hard I thought I'd be sick from the force for my own climax, but never once did you touch my neck or shoulder with your teeth. I did everything but pry your jaws open and beg you to bite me, but you never did. You let Moony fuck my brains out, but you never renewed the bond, you never renewed the unspoken vows and promise of forever. I thought that only the wolf wanted his mate back. I thought I was too broken and damaged to be your partner in life and eternity. It hurt even more knowing that you would rather spend you human life alone than have me as anything more than the **wolf's mate**."

"I didn't know if you were ready," I whispered slowly, unable to keep my promise of silence. "I didn't know if you still wanted me after I'd left you to rot in hell. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." As my tear choked words disappeared into the broad expanse of his chest, no arm rose to comfort me.....his pain was still too fresh, and more needed to be revealed.

We sat in silence for long moments until finally, loving arms raised to wrap around me as he continued his story.

"When I left that night, I decided to do what ever it would take to win your heart again."

I started to protest his loss of my heart but wide callused finger pads pressed firmly across my lips returned me to my promised silence. But instead of pulling away the teasing fingers traced slowly down my chin then followed the line of my stubbled jaw to finally tickle lightly around the tender shell of my ear causing me to cuddle deeper into his shoulder. Finally the fingers came to rest on my neck as a large thumb pad continued to trace the outline of my mouth while the speaker hurried on.

"I know you're aware of what I did for the order during our second battle for the Light. I also know that you met daily with Dumbledore to review the progress we were making; and wrong as it maybe I hoped you'd be proud of the work I was doing. You were so strong Re, so incredibly powerful I didn't think you would ever need me again. But during the October moon I got an owl telling me to return to Hogwarts immediately. It seemed that Voldie had devised a strategy that he used throughout the war.

Launch all major offensives on the nights surrounding the full moon.

I know I'm not telling you anything new Re, and I know it made you mad as hell that your weakness was being used as a battle plan, but honestly Re it was a hell of compliment to your power that the bastard never wanted his top forces to face you.

Albus always pulled four of us in from the field on the night of the moon, just to make sure the kids and Hogwarts were protected. Four wizards to replace one, so complete are your skills in defense, so powerful is your very presence, that you alone determined when battles would take place.

I hadn't been able to see you since the night I'd left your house, as Albus always sent us back to the field as soon as you were cleaned up and checked by Poppy. Then finally during the last moon of the war, when we were almost guaranteed victory, I went to Dumbledore and begged him to let me be with you at least during the transformation back into human form. But he refused, he said we still needed at least four of us on guard incase they made a last desperate assault on the castle...trying to get to Harry or to you. I continued to plead, asking only for the finally moments that I knew were always the worst. That's when he told me that with the use of Snape's potion you didn't need me anymore, that you were just fine by yourself. He knew we were mates Re and he just stood there and watched me cry. I believe he thought he was being helpful, reassuring me that you would be all right. I'm certain he thought the tears were shed in relief that you no longer suffered, and I suppose they should have been...but they weren't, I was crying in defeat and despair. Even as we won the war, I felt I'd lost everything.

Re, becoming Padfoot was the most important thing I ever did in my life. Being Padfoot saved me in Azkaban and helped me escape, but most important it led me closer to you. The first night I ran with Moony I knew I was destined to be with you forever, I knew I loved you.....all of you. That night I was able to see all of you for the first time. I got to see the part of you, you hated the most; but when I saw the wolf and looked in his eyes, I didn't see a blood- thirsty demon at all. I saw love....and so did he.

But Dumbledore's words took all that away. In an instant the most important thing I'd ever done in my life became useless, and I almost gave up hope of ever winning you back.

It was only two weeks after the moon that the war was over , and one moor before my trial was ready to start. I was so happy to see you there everyday, even though I was still afraid they were going to send me back. I'd have died before I let them take me back again Re. I even had it planned.....how to kill my self before the guards ever had a chance to stop me." Sirius paused long enough for me to speak even as the thumb continued to trace my lips.

"I'd have gone to the grave with you Siri." I stated flatly, "I also had it planned."

"Don't say the Re, Harry needs you."

"He needs **both** of us Paddy. Only together do we encompass the best of who James was. He was a perfect blend of his two best friends. Strong, smart, fun loving, mischievous, kind and so very powerful. Harry loves you Siri you just need to let him in." I smiled squeezing the hand that now lay across my own.

"He's become an excellent plotter and planner, I'll say that much for him ," my chuckled and then picked up where he left off.

" When they read the verdict I couldn't believe it. The first thing I did was hug Harry because he was so close and then I realized that I could finally get into my vault at Gringotts. So I bolted, I didn't even know if you could see me leave over all the people crowding the front of the courtroom. But I guess you could because you never came to the party. Harry told me later that it was because you didn't know about it, but at the time I thought you just didn't care. That I still wasn't the man you wanted to be with.

I was so mad at myself when you weren't there, mad at myself for thinking that suddenly you would want me again. So I went off and got drunk while a bunch of people I didn't know and didn't really give a rat's ass about sat around celebrating my freedom. Really grown- up, eh?

It almost killed my to stay away on the night of the moon two days later. But late during the night following full I decided I wasn't giving up. I went for a walk and found my self on the front porch of this very house, with my hand on the bell, saying over and over ...I love you Remus Lupin. But I couldn't bring my self to ring.....I needed to change.....I needed to become a mate and a partner that was equal to you. Someone you could respect and love. So I headed back to the castle already knowing that tonight was the night I needed to come to you. There was no other night. It gave me five months to get my life together, and I'm still fucking things up by shutting you out and trying to do things on my own.

I know you've tried to talk to me, but I always thought it would be the 'I'm sorry I have a well ordered life and you're not part of it chat,' and I couldn't accept that but I also couldn't accept your help. I needed to do this on my own. It's kind of similar to right after we graduated and moved in together. I had the money, the job and my name on the lease since they wouldn't rent to a werewolf. It was hard enough convincing them that you had a place to go out side the city for the full moons. But you always insisted on working not matter how far below your skill the job was. You never wanted to be a kept werewolf. And I didn't want to be a kept ex-convict." Sirius chuckled half heartedly.

"Siri, it wouldn't have mattered to me as long as I knew you still cared. You could have lived at the castle for a while if you needed to."

"No Re that's just it, I needed to do this on my own, and if you had given me the easy way back into your life and you bed I would have taken it. I was so afraid you had moved on. I sometimes go sit at your desk when you've left for the night just to be close to you especially if I've been traveling, or sometimes I would borrow the cloak from Harry and I would just hover on my broom outside your classroom window just so I can watch you. You need to eat more for lunch by the way......" Sirius never got to finish his sentence before I had fought my way off his lap and to my feet.

"Re what are doing,?" My confused mate questioned as he followed me to the kitchen. "What the hell is wrong. I'm sorry if you thought I was spying on you, but I promise I never looked in your desk or anything."

"That's not the point" I stammered, refilling the kettle who's burner was charmed to shut off before the kettle ran dry.

"Then what is the point," Siri pleaded then gently turned me to face him once I let go of the kettle.

"The point is I thought I was going insane. I thought the wolf was going mad with his desire for you. I knew I was going mad at my longing to be with you Siri. But then I'd walk in my classroom and there would be your scent. I could feel you when you were hovering outside the window. I thought I would wind up in Azkaban as an uncontrollable dark creature lusting for the mate who'd abandoned it."

" I had no idea Re. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be near you, but with you not needing Padfoot any more......."

With a sharp stab of dread I realized Sirius was staring at the exposed flesh where the loosely tied sash had allowed my robe to separate. Reaching out with a determined hand Sirius pulled the sash from my waist and held the side of my robe back to secure an unobstructed view. The look of horror reached the very depths of his storm tossed eyes.

"That's new Re," my raven- haired mate whispered as his eyes memorized the grotesque line running from navel to hip. "It can't be more than six months old.......He lied to me.......The wolf can still hurt you with out Padfoot there to help.....You did need me. Why didn't you have Poppy heal it properly?

I could do nothing more than stare at the floor, reliving the pain- drenched details in my mind. He was right it was only five moons old, two days after the trial ended, two days after he walked out on us; two days of the wolf waiting for its mate, and eight hours of moonlit rage when Padfoot still didn't return. Snape was too busy preparing vertroisum potions for those awaiting trial for me even think of bothering him with the time consuming Wolfsbane potion. I hadn't worried about not having the rancid tasting brew, it was far more important for Sirius and others who deserved fair trials to have Snape's skill working for them. I knew Sirius was innocent and I truly believed that Padfoot and Moony would run together that night. When it was clear he wasn't coming I had been so devastated by his rejection that I couldn't face the memories of the shack; so I locked myself in the safety of the well reinforced cellar of my home. Furious with me for not pursuing our mate, Moony sought the only revenge possible .....my blood, my life. I almost granted him his wish this time. I laid on the cool cellar floor until well into the night following full, I would have gratefully given my self over to death, silently crying for my mate...crying for Sirius. But something stopped me, some unseen force willed me to live. And now I knew It was his presence out side the house, repeating that he loved me that forced my will to survive.

After the moon it taken me two full days to finally release the locking spells on the cellar. I had healed the wound as well as I could, given my weakened state, but in the end Albus had to lower the apparition wards and hold me in his arms to transport me to the castle.

"This never should have happened.......unless.......oh fuck." Siri's voice was no more than an echo resounding from the horrific scene his very capable mind was able to envision simply from my silence. "You couldn't even get to her could you? Oh god Re, I'm so sorry."

No further words were spoken, as Sirius dropped to his knees, wrapped his arms around my waist, and sobbed into the soft silver and tawny hair that marked the trail from sternum to groin. His forehead was pressed tight against my abdomen, as his back, shoulders and arms were wracked with the force of his tears. Not even after the incident with Snape had I ever seen Sirius loose himself to such a display of remorse. As I gently tangled my fingers through the silky obsidian tresses I realized these tears Sirius shed with such utter abandon were wept with a grief that encompassed far more than an angry red line on my already scar streaked skin. These tears had flooded his heart and soul for fifteen long years.

"Please forgive me Re, oh god please for give me. I love you and I've missed you so much. Nothing I've accomplished means anything without you to share it with. Oh sweet Merlin I love you." Sirius was whimpering the beautiful, but unnecessary words against the flat plains of my belly, but I could hear him perfectly as his soft breath teased through the light hair covering the ticklish tissue. All the while his nose slowly caressed the ultra sensitive indention of my navel. I could already feel the growing desire of the wolf as my cock reacted to the nearness of my mate. Oh, God I wanted him so desperately and I believed what he had told me about wanting to come to me as an equal, and because of his courage that's how the wolf saw him now, how I had always seen him. But I needed one finally explanation before the clock struck twelve.

Placing my hands on either side of Siri's face I gently pushed him back to arms length, while at the same time raising his silver streaked face to meet my own tear tracked gaze. I slowly traced the pads of my thumbs under the hollow of his beautiful pain dampened eyes, drawing way the moisture as I longed to draw away the grief.

"Tell me one thing Siri, just one thing, " I asked "What did you have to get from Gringotts that was so bloody important that it couldn't have waited until the next day? Because I can honestly say that the most important thing to me was being with you. And then you had to turn around and go back today! Why?

"This isn't how this was supposed to work," Sirius whispered as he summoned the newly added package from the tree. "This was all supposed to happen fifteen years ago tonight. But Peter took that away too."

"Happy Anniversary Re......Happy Twentieth Anniversary." Sirius whispered as he hesitantly placed a platinum band on my finger then gently curled his strong warm hand securely around my own.

"I want us to be a family, you and me and Harry. Allow me to finally tell everyone what you mean to me....what we mean to each other. Be with me ....forever?"

"Yes, ....forever" I barley managed to speak the words, tears streaming down my face.

Then my amazing mate tapped his own left hand with the wand he still held and a matching platinum band came into view. " I bought them two days before James and Lily were killed. I've worn mine since the night the Ministry cleared me. To remind me how important this night would be if you said yes, that you'd have me back. "

"You were never gone from my heart Paddy, you simply thought you were. And Albus was wrong Moony and I do need you. We'll always need you."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, may I touch it " Siri asked raising his finger to run across the ugly red line that marked my flesh.

I simply nodded and closed my eyes, knowing what my mates touch would do to a scar induced by the wolf.

But to my surprise it was Siri's mouth that moved gently to trace the path of the angry red scar, lips and tongue apologizing with a language all there own. As Sirius lovingly laved across my skin, Moony moved in kind, softly nuzzling against the flesh and bone prison of my belly and ribs, pleading for the pleasure of his mate's passion.

Moving by instinct Siri's nose caressed the muzzle of his mate, then suddenly pulled away.

"Oh, God Re," Sirius gasped meeting my tear filled eyes, "I felt him.....I felt Moony's presence."

Now very much aware of the heightened connection between both canine and human souls, I could only nod as the desire Moony and I felt for this glorious creature flowed swiftly to heart, brain, soul and groin.

Amazed by the new found ability to sense the wolf's constant movement within me, Sirius leaned back on his heels, intent on once again feeling the force of the creature longed to know in the most intimate of ways. Very slowly he raised strong determined hands to rest just above the drawstring of my pajamas, long fingers curving around my waist, thumbs meeting on the flat plain of my belly, just below the navel.

As if suddenly realizing the deepest desire of his soul Sirius stared into my eyes as he tried to form the words of a question his heart was aching to ask.

"Re, I want to make love with you........no, no I mean...I ... I want to make love **to** you. Please Moony let me make love to you?"

"You think you have to ask because of the wolf, " I sighed shaking my head gently. "Siri the wolf chose a male mate just like you and I did and he doesn't always have to dominate. Tonight I think he'd be very happy to have you show him just how much you and Padfoot love us."

With gratitude, love and desire written plan upon his tear stained face, my now trembling mate rose from his heals to once again kneel before me. Rough callused hands that had been content to rest on my hips rose reverently up the flat expanse of my chest, thumbs stopping momentarily to torment already taut buds that begged to be greeted by tugging teeth or a teasing tongue.

With fingers and thumbs splayed wide the ever-moving hands eased slowly around to the smooth scarless skin of my well-muscled back. Finger tips now touched as they traced the curve of my spine, thumbs enticing gooseflesh to follow in their wake as they trailed down my sides to again find their resting place on the prominent bones of my eager, but stationary hips, the burning desire of my shared soul revealing its self within the thin cotton pants that separated me from the full firm lips of the panting canine before me.

I growled low in my throat as the wolf continued his plea for renewed consummation with his long lost lover; who was so very, very close.

Needing no further encouragement, the long eager fingers that had been content to rest at my waist now tugged gently on the drawstring of my pajamas pants freeing the head of my already throbbing cock to peak enticingly above the thin cotton fabric.

Moaning at the sight of the glistening velvet flesh, the animungus I first took to my bed twenty years ago this night now sought to pleasure the wolf in ways it had never known. I could remember each of the, all too few, occasions when Padfoot had dared to challenge the wolf's dominance. While the talented mouth had pleased Moony and me on many occasions the timid thrusts of the slicked satin shaft had been perceived by the young male wolf as weak instead of tender, lacking instead of loving.

Even as a teenager I had loved the long moonless nights in our soft bridal bed at the shack; nights spent slowly exploring the pleasures of the flesh. But when the foreplay was over and the taking began the wolf was not content to roll over and have its balls and belly rubbed, it wanted to claim the sweet young flesh of its mate over and over, and while many times the wolf was tender, moving with slow steady strokes, there was always an underlying promise of power and many times pain.

But now the wolf longed to be pleased and played with, fondled and fussed over, laved with a tender tongue and .........no that was too much to ask.

Siri had always been willing to accept Moony's affections in any way the wolf had commanded; to ask him to reciprocate in kind was not something I would do. I would be very happy to simply enjoy the tender ministrations of my mate. It had been so long since I had allowed myself the pleasure of being pleased. It felt wonderful to be admired and administered to. No, I would ask for nothing and gratefully accept what ever was offered from this wonderful, but still so bruised and broken mate

But the raven haired wizard whose straight white teeth now tugged on forest green plaid pants had also changed, and I was about to find out just how much.

As Sirius pulled my pajama pants skillfully down long slender legs using nothing but his teeth I was pleasantly surprised; but when he blazed a trail of burning, sucking bites up the oh so sensitive flesh of my inner thighs, I was tempted to suggest a change of locations, preferably to one with a bed. But all thoughts of anything except the lapis blue eyes that starred into my own lust darkened pools quickly disappeared as I watched the familiar pink tongue sneak slowly out to dab teasingly at the perfect pearl of liquid love reigning high atop my achingly hard erection. Dabbing over and over, not licks or kisses, but tiny touches that begged for answers, answers whispered by the small red quivering crevice that demanded to be laved, kissed and suckled.

But instead of heeding the demand of my burning and dripping flesh, Sirius followed his own plan, his own instincts. Instincts that demanded retribution, sought in the form of pleasure. And the pleasure would be mine to enjoy as long as I desired it.

Wrapping his arms around my hips Sirius suddenly buried his nose deep within the damp bed of tawny curls that framed the base of the throbbing need that threatened to consume me. Nuzzling and sniffing Sirius searched out the scent of his mate, of Moony and of me. Pressing his soft velvet tongue to the root of my desire the talented tongue of my mate began to trace short firm strokes along the tender flesh surrounding my cock then lowered his mouth to capture and roll first one tingling tease tighten ball into his mouth and then the other. Rolling and sucking the tender sac even as he positioned his hands to trace curve of my arse, his knowing fingers slipping within the seam, seeking and finding the tightly gathered gate that pulsed its invitation to digits who sought only to tease, not to enter.

"Oh gods, Siri please," I begged as my desperate hands pulled the leather thong violently from the long silken tresses, my fingers instantly fanning and threading as I moaned for the pleasure of his warm moist mouth.

Releasing my hot saliva soaked sac into the cool kitchen air, Siri blew gently across the tender flesh causing my hips to buck desperately against open empty air, when suddenly air was replaced by the firm wet stroke of my lovers agile tongue.

"Is this what you want love? Tell me Re" the lust-altered voice commanded between sloppy wet kisses and quick flicking licks, "I never want you to beg. I'll give you anything baby just tell....god Re say it!" The sapphire eyes were lit from within, the passion and promise of my hearts desire laid open for the taking all I had to do was ask him, tell him; the one thing I had never been good at.

"Oh god Siri suck me! Suck me hard and swallow me down," I cried surprised to hear my own strangled voice blatantly requesting the desire of my flesh and soul.

My wish was granted immediately as Siri took me within his hot moist mouth, opening his throat to take me whole. Tongue, lips and cheeks sucking and stroking the length my hot heavy cock. Sucking hard from base to head, lapping at the tip then closing lips and teeth around the rim to suck long and hard on the tender head, teeth grazing, then biting as he took me full again, bury his nose in the damp springy curls that smelt of vanilla and musk.

"Oh god yes, harder Paddy, gods suck me harder." I moaned as the rough rampant thrusts of my hips caused him to groan around my thick hot flesh, though whether the groan was begot of pleasure or pain I did not know. I was now aware of the tight grasp I had on his hair and pleaded with the wolf to stay with in his bars.

I tried to still my hips even as I heard the crude rambling words streaming from my lips; but my willing mate would have none of my attempts at propriety. His hands still squeezed and kneaded the taut rounded buttocks, still teased barely probing fingers against the tight muscled ring. Now those loving hands held tight to my arse urging my hips to buck against him, wanting me to fuck the fierce fiery mouth the suckled and bit with complete abandon, hands that begged me to fuck him harder than I'd have thought he could withstand.....

"Oh god, oh god yes, SIRIIIIIIIIIII," I moaned the final vowel long and low as hot pulsing stream of my release shot deep within my lovers throat; my wonderful lover who licked and suckled me softly even as my legs failed me and I slipped down the front of the cabinets melting into boneless puddle of wolf and man, both gasping and moaning, as we slowly found a pattern of normal breath.

Much to my surprise Siri had followed me to the floor and was now laying stretched out to the side of me. His head in my lap nuzzling in the sweat soaked tendrils of my groin. Damn he still had my cock in his mouth. Still suckling, kissing, lapping, tasting and damn teasing.

"Siri your amazing love," I sighed now running gentle stroking hands through the long sweaty strands of obsidian silk.

"Siri.......Siri, what are you doing?.........Oh, god Siri.......Oh god....." Submitting to my mates desire I leaned my head back against the muggle dishwasher that had come with the house, and waited for the stamina of the wolf to kick in...it wouldn't take long; and as though I had willed the action to match the thought, the blood again began to rise and fill the wrinkled flesh to stretched satin glory.


	3. Chapter Two - Part B

Had someone told me four hours ago that by midnight I would "come out" to my best friend's son, witness Severus Snape lose four straight games of Wizard Chess to Neville Longbottom, watch Heromine snogging George Weasley on my sofa, be called a rapist by my long estranged lover who would top off the evening by presenting me with a platinum band of bonding and then literally top me off in my kitchen, I would have laughed until I cried or visa versa, I really can't say which. Yet as I sat on the floor of the afore mentioned moonlit kitchen, clad only in my robe, with my lovers long gorgeous body sprawled beside me, his tongue tracing circles around the head of my once again hard weeping cock, I began to believe that like Ebenezer Scrooge, the ghosts of past, present and future had all arrived to save my soul from loneliness in time for Christmas.

I was blessed to hear the voices of James and Harry speaking as one, past and present blending together, to remind me that the wolf who resides within me does not define me as a man, and that I do have friends who will stand beside me in good and bad times alike.

Finally, with the unexpected arrival of my long absent mate came the promise of a future that bespoke of love, the all-encompassing love of this wonderful man. A man, who not only proudly and openly proclaimed his love for another man, but loved and cared for the dark creature who lived within that man's soul.

Sirius never shied away from the dangers and downfalls of loving a werewolf. Even as a teenager he had cared for me after the moons with the skill and passion of a wizard twice his years and when it was thought that I would be forced to a werewolf community at the beginning of Voldemorts first rise to power, he insisted he would reside where-ever I was placed, refusing to live his life without me or surrounded by luxuries I was not allowed to enjoy. A mate who, although still not completely out of the proverbial doghouse, was truly a remarkable man.

A man who at the moment was doing things with his warm wet tongue that defied description. Things that were quickly erasing all others thoughts from my ......

"Oh, gods Siri, oh sweet Merlin that feels.....ohhhhhhhhh......"

"Mmmmmmm, like that do you," my mates muffled voice hummed around the quivering flesh he massaged with cheeks, tongue, lips and teeth, as his still tightly jean clad hips began to thrust gently against the floor.

"I thought you would have figured that out a few minutes ago oh brilliant one;.... oooohhh gods love..... that wasn't eggnog Padfoot was lapping up you know?" I chuckled softly, brushing aside the black silken strands that feathered across my abdomen, hiding my lover's face from view. Oh and the sight that was revealed, again pulled the breath from my lungs and drew near the hot pulsing seed that begged to be released from the depths of my now twice accosted cock. By a will of it's own my groin began to grind gently against his lips; lush lips that loving surrounded and suckled the trembling tissue in a tribute of love and a desire to please.

Trying not to press my hands against his arching neck, but unable to tear my eyes from the erotic sight, I concentrated instead on the bristling black lashes that fanned across soft pale flesh, the powerful cheeks that hollowed in to embrace the satin flesh and the probing nose that nuzzled and sniffed the damp tawny curls which came within reach each time my cock slipped into my amazing mates welcoming throat.

Finally desperate to touch the flesh that teased my own, I sank my fingers deep within the ebony haired wizard's locks, urging him once again to draw the hot pulsing streams deep within his own steaming sanctuary.

Siri's right hand expertly heightened the pleasure, rolling my balls firmly in soft knowing fingers while his left arm circled around under my hips drawing me closer, allowing my mate to surround himself with the musky earthen sent that comes only from the essence of Moony's soul.

"Oh Siri, oh god yes love, oh now oh now ohhhhhhhhhhhhh" I cried out into the still kitchen air, my hips rolled steadily into the hot sucking mouth, while my mates lapping tongue laved the burning flesh that was finally allowed to soften with in the steamy sanctum.

Satisfied that my needs had been well cared for my muscular mate rose to his knees and striped the ivory sweater from his incredibly well toned torso.

"It's getting a bit warm in here, don't you think," my seducer licked his lips as he tossed the unneeded garment lazily to the floor.

At some point Siri had unzipped the constricting cotton confines of his jeans to release the proud pulsing cock whose release had been realized simply by the taste and feel of my own. A cock that still stood straight against soft jet hairs framed on both sides by the shiny metal tracks of a cage whose bars had been pushed aside.

I growled deep in my throat at the sight of Sirius's spectacular seed stained belly and chest that glistened silver in the moonlight.

"My god you're beautiful," I moaned softly, leaning forward to run my tongue along the damp downy hairs of his firm flat belly even as my fingers traced feather light across the glorious muscular chest I longed to hold tight against my own.

"But Siri, that was truly a terrible waste of taste my love." I chastised sweetly, raising a tawny eyebrow as I brought my gaze level with the silver stars that gleamed from within my mates still calculating orbs.

At the thought of the missed salty succulence, Moony howled within my heart, begging to lap at the sticky sweet residue that coated the our mates firm flesh, commanded me to control the carnal canine that knelt silently before us, pin him to the floor and suckle the waiting cock that teased from between the folds of cotton fabric.

_No! This is Paddy's mating dance and we'll follow whereever he leads, it doesn't have to be rough_ _Fine be gentle but claim him now, you heard him, **I** didn't drive him away... **you** did _ _Shut Up! **I** want this....I **want** this, **I** want him to make love to us, I promise you'll taste his blood, just not yet _

Only raising an ebony eyebrow in answer Sirius leisurely reached out tender teasing fingers to push the rumpled robe from my shoulders, leaving me open to my mate's appraisal.

"I think the wolf's still hungry," the starlight eyes now danced with desire as he pulled me quickly from the floor and up across his waiting arms. "Don't worry love, your gluttonous guest will be sated, but it's not my flesh on which he'll feast, but instead I upon yours." Sirius growled in a low lusty voice that promised a night not soon to be forgotten.

Wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing his lips to mine in a deep wet sucking kiss, I once again felt the ripple of passion flood through my veins, even as I fought the urge to resist being carried the short distance from kitchen to living room.

"I'm not going to run away you know," I whispered against the shell of his small sensitive ears, "you really don't have to carry my like this."

I regretted my hasty words immediately as his arms tensed under my shoulders and legs.

"You're right Re I don't," he shook his head and exhaled the pain that tightened his voice, "I could carry you like this," he suggested laughing evilly as he flung me over his shoulder then teasingly bit my bare arse that rested next to his face. "Far more dignified way to travel isn't love?'

"Damn it Padfoot put me down," I wailed, pounding on his tightly muscled back in a far too effeminate fashion.

"Put you down," my mate questioned as his feather light breath tickled against the bare skin of my decadently displayed buttocks. "I thought perhaps I'd stroll you down the main street of Hogsmeade a few times" my playful mate teased, as he strode toward the front door, shirtless and unzipped. "Church services should just be letting out; I'm certain the good folks of the village would love to see how little fur their resident werewolf really has."

At the thought of my un-accepting neighbors leaving the hollowed hall in which I had no place, my pounding fists ceased their play and my body went limp in defeat against my lover's soft warm flesh.

"Fuck 'em, Re," Siri's voice growled in my ear, as he gently lowered me onto the ugly muggle chair that Harry had given me when I purchased the cottage, then knelt before me. "Your soul is more holy than any of theirs will ever be. Look at me Remus" my mate insisted cupping my chin firmly in his large loving hand. "They're hypocrites Re, all of them. They happily take your money to earn their living, they bask in the freedom that you fought for, and they take comfort in the knowledge that their children are well educated because you teach them, but they're too stupid and blind to love the wonderful man that lives among them.......it's their loss Re......it's their loss. But I promise you, next year we'll stand in the very center of that chapel, in the very heart of where you long to be. I promise."

I merely nodded, refusing to trust my voice not to betray the pain that already pooled in my embarrassed tear filled eyes.

"I love you."

The three simple words, spoken by a man who meant them earnestly, and fully understood my feelings of isolation and despair, filled my heart and cleansed my soul in a way that choirs and communion never could.

"Oh God I've missed you Paddy," I cried pulling the broad form of my waiting lover tight against my own scar strewn chest. "Sirius I need you with me, always," I pleaded, nuzzling deeply against the soft flesh of his exposed throat, fighting against the desire to mark and claim. Not yet, something told me, wait.

"Yes, always," A vow, uttered from the lips of a lover who had learned life's lessons the hard way, a vow that would never be broken again.

Slowly Sirius pulled away from the impassioned embrace, smiling as he ran one of his hands over the arm of the chair he had deposited me in, while the other rubbed softly along the length of my long svelte thighs.

"Interesting piece of muggle furniture you've got here Moony," the now teasing voice of my mate insinuated a switch from pain to pleasure was at hand.

"This ugly, yet comfortable, piece of furniture was a house warming gift from **your** godson." I elaborated, suddenly leery of where this line of thought was taking the mischievous mind of my maddening beautiful mate.

"Did you know it can do this," the quick moving canine inquired as he swiftly pressed against the arms of the over stuffed chair causing the back to reclined to a forty-five degree angle taking me it. "Or this?" Sirius continued his demonstration as he lowered himself atop me pressing the back of the chair flat while the front panel popped up to support our legs.

"No," I growled with a suggestive air, tugging at the tempting earlobe that hovered just within reach of my slightly sharpened teeth, while at the same time thrusting my hips invitingly against my lovers, "but I like it."

"Too, bad I can't stay longer," my grinning mate cooed, feigning an apologetic bat of his eyes lashes that would have garnered a laugh were it not for the sudden loss of the warm weight of his delectable body.

"Where are you going," I pouted rising to a sitting position, as the captivating canine retreated slowly down my body until he stood open for my viewing, sliding the tight black jeans down the length of his long muscular thighs then bending once again to kneel on the floor in front of me, all signs of jest vanishing from the gently curving mouth.

"Shhhhhh," Sirius whispered, placing a finger across my mouth. "Other than my name being screamed in gut twisting ecstasy, the only words I want to hear pass your beautiful lips are, "harder", "faster" and "oh god Siri please fuck me now". I'll also tolerate those wonderful garbled obscenities that only I can summon from your ever so proper mouth, my dear Professor.

"Oh god Paddy," I stammered, already feeling the fullness of my growing erection as I leaned forward in the fully reclined chair, trying to catch my mates slightly swollen lips.

"I'll accept that too" the husky voice of my obviously aroused lover conceded as he met my lips for a quick kiss, before pushing me prone against the soft fabric of the chair back.

Then carefully Siri wrapped his long agile fingers under my thighs and pulled me forward, bending my knees and rotating my legs until my feet lay comfortably on his shoulders.

"Oh god Paddy you don't have to do this," I whimpered breathlessly as Moony howled in anticipation of the pleasure we would soon enjoy.

"I want to Re, I've always wanted to," the suddenly shy voice of my usually boisterous mate admitted, as he snaked his arms under my legs, and laid his hands on my belly. "Hold on to my hands Re, and don't let go," he commanded and I happily obeyed, intertwining my long thin fingers with the thick callused digits of my mates large masculine paws.

Knowing from experience the disadvantage the loss of his hands would cause, I carefully shifted my legs to a position I thought would make things easier; then promptly melted into the soft ugly fabric as the first tentative lick of my mates warm wet tongue teased across the ready ring of puckered flesh that had long awaited this softly probing predator.

Even before the tightly curled tip of my lovers taunting tongue teased its way inside the snug satin embrace of my welcoming body, I felt acutely the lack of attention to my now throbbing erection that quivered wantonly against the damp downy hairs of my sweat slicked belly.

As the wiggling ribbon of soft moist muscle wormed its way deeper within my velvet channel, nearing ever closer to the small sensitive gland that it sought to torment, my hands tried with out success to creep toward the dripping length that wept for the warmth of its own carnal embrace. But alas my lover would tolerate none of my attempts at self pleasure, and struggled fiercely against the strength of the wolf as he held my hands tight against the outside of my hips, fingers still woven within his own.

"Oh Sweet Merlin Siri please," I begged, though I wasn't sure for what, as I dug my heel into the padded arm of the chair where my now thrusting hips had made it comfortable to rest.

Then suddenly the probing tongue found the end of its journey and circled swiftly, eagerly seeking, finding and savoring the effects of the glorious gland from which pleasure was gleaned and ecstasy granted.

"Oh yes Paddy, god yes, again please, fuck Siri do it again", I begged as I pushed hard against the agile assailant that now plunged purposefully in and out, sweeping the inner edge while each time prodding that mind blowing button of bliss, even as his nose angled up to whisper soft warm breath against my already tightening balls.

No longer able to still my trembling limbs I wrapped my calves around my lover's shoulders as his hands fought to subdue my determined fingers from reaching my now painfully ridged erection.

"God now Siri, now please fuck me harder, now fuck me," I howled, and my very willing mate responded instantly forming a tight sealing kiss with his soft wet lips sucking fiercely while the wounded velvet ribbon was tightly embrace as the muscles of the satin channel responded to the fiery streams of semen that shot in pulsing streaks cross my belly and chest.

Moving with the speed of the wolf the amazing adonis who'd just reduced me to a quivering puddle of passion, released my hands and pulled me to a sitting position, causing me to straddle his chest as he launched him- self at my belly, latched on to my seed slick skin and lapped loving at the salty liquid he savored as though it were aged brandy, trickling down his throat, warming his belly and yet again igniting a fire in his groin.

"Come here," Sirius gasped as his lips left my skin with a soft wet smack.

There was no need to ask my destination as the strong sure arms of my long absent lover lowered me gently down the expanse of his torso, my balls gently rolled in their soft velvet sac as they rubbed against the rippling muscles of his tight toned abs, my long lithe legs wrapped instinctively around his waist as I ever so slowly impaled my self inch by glorious inch on my mate's hot throbbing cock.

For an endless moment we simply held each other in a light embrace, hands reverently stroking against long desired flesh.

Moving in time with my inner canine my nose slowly prodded the soft smooth skin of my lovers shoulder then quickly worked its way up the tender tissue of his pale perfect throat, before the need to mark and claim could become too tempting to ignore. My nose then traced the line of the stubbled jaw, first moving to tease the soft shell of his ear, then reversing directions to follow the indention of his chin slowly upward to trace soft swollen lips and finally caressing the muzzle of my mate. Noses, gently stroking against familiar lines as our lust lit eyes locked for a moment then closed as our mouths finally met in a fierce fiery display of swirling tongues and tapping teeth. The kiss held all the passion we'd been denied for far too many years. There was nothing sweet or gentle about this kiss I realized as I mindlessly sucked on my lovers tongue, desperate to indulge in the swirling sensation of the salty seed he'd thrice now drawn from my the very deaths of my soul.

It was Siri who finally broke the kiss as he wrapped his arms around my waist and gently urged me to lean back against the muggle chair I now liked very much.

The change in position was pure bliss as Sir's strong skillful hands gently kneaded the small of my back, even as his cock barely brushed the small perfect gland that begged to be caressed.

"As comfortable as this is love, I don't think it's really suited for leverage," I teased squeezing my thighs around his waist, thus drawing his rigid erection even further within my beckoning body.

"Fierce feral fucking wasn't what I had in mind Re," my now bashful mate confided, as he moved one hand to my belly and followed the line of tawny and silver hairs upward to firmly fan his fingers across my chest then slowly circled the already taunt buds that begged for further attention. "I thought maybe this would be a good way to keep you as a captive audience while we finish the little chat we started earlier," the timid voice of my still emotionally struggling soulmate invited, as he bent to bite and suckle one of my nearly numb nipples as a large thumb pad spun teasing circles atop the other.

Gently I arched into Siri's touch luxuriating in the feel of soft lips pressed against my flesh, and strong hands returning to work the muscles at the base of my back. This had always been a sensitive spot and my meticulous mate remembered every mind melting motion.

"While a long chat in this position would be most comfortable for me, Siri, I do believe it won't take long at all for your feet to go numb, sitting with your legs folded under you like that." I observed learning forward enough to reach down and tickle a toe that already seemed to be turning blue.

"Remus, you live through your flesh and bones being redesigned by a wolf every twenty eight days with hardly ever a moan or a whimper; I do believe I'm capable of tolerating a little tingling in my feet, if it'll allow me to hold you on my lap, with out you running away,"

"I hate to tell you this love, but that's not your lap I'm sitting on," I started to chuckle but stopped abruptly after taking notice of the pleading look that graced my mates ageless features.

"Alright," I conceded, while wrapping my arms under his to trail my finger tips gently down his spine while leaning in to graze my teeth across the tender flesh of my lover lover's earlobe as I softly whispered into the delicate instrument its self. "But I lied before, I'm not sure I'll last all that long sitting on your **lap** like this."

"Don't worry, my feet aren't the only thing that's tingling love," my now puppy dog eyed mate whispered then dropped his nose to nuzzle and purr against my neck. "I said I wanted to continue our chat, not finish it entirely. But seeing as how you have me at your mercy I thought there might be a few questions you want answers to," offered the ebony haired wizard, who was now leaving himself just as open to me for invasion of his soul as I had opened my body to him. Both of us vulnerable.....both of us willing to take the risk of facing fears long kept hidden.

Continuing to follow the trail of his spine with my fingertips I gently rested my head on my mates shoulder as he returned to pleasuring the small of my back while our bare chests pressed perfectly together sharing the essence of seed and sweat.

"Siri, I realize that you've been struggling with the issues we spoke of earlier, but why haven't you been more open with Harry about yourself? You've been a coach, a tutor and a buddy, but you haven't been much of a godfather. I can understand you not telling him about us....I didn't feel comfortable telling him either, but surely you could have told him what you did during the wars or at least that you're multi -lingual?" I asked, keeping my head on my mate's shoulder but raising one hand to massage his scalp, as he had always enjoyed.

"Well, maybe I can now that he knows about us, because until he did I could never really talk with him about anything more substantial than every day bullshit. Oh God Moony, that feels good. Re, every thing in my life that's had true meaning has been due in part to loving you. I can't have a personal conversation with him without thinking of you after every other word."

"Although that's a beautiful sentiment Paddy and I myself have felt very uncomfortable trying to talk to Harry while keeping thoughts of you at bay; why don't you tell me the real reason. I still know you too well to think that thoughts of my love of Shakespeare keep you from relating stories of James Quidditch accomplishments. He says when you talk with each other it's like talking to someone who never knew his parents." I prodded as carefully as I could while still getting through to the canine cranium that I wanted truthful answers.

"I know you'll tell me I'm full of shit, but the main reason I haven't tried to be closer to Harry is because I still believe I'm the reason that James and Lily aren't here to raise him. Why would he want to be close the bastard who caused his parents death," the soft voice of my mate finally admitted.

I was suddenly very thankful for Siri's desire to conduct this little chat while joined in the most intimate of embraces, for it was he who would have fled this time given the opportunity. But as it was, he could do nothing more than cast his eyes to our shared lap, while leaning in to bury tear tracked cheeks in the comfort of my silver- streaked honey toned hair.

"Siri, Harry loves you." I began, choosing my words with as much care as I did the first night I spoke with Harry about Cedric's death. "He also understands a great deal better what you're going through than I ever will." I paused to place a silencing finger across worry bitten lips. "Harry and I have had many long chats over the last year or so. And although I won't break his confidences I will tell you that your godson has suffered the same guilt that you agonize over. Harry blamed himself for Cedric's death just as honestly as you blame your self for James and Lily's. You both thought you were doing the right thing. Harry thought he was being the **better person** by sharing the victory, and you thought you were acting in James and Lil's best interest by not being their secret keeper. Paddy neither of you were wrong. Harry was acting as the honest and fair person his parents would have wanted him to be. And Siri, I firmly believe that if you had become their secret keeper, I would have lost you to the torture of Voldemort, and in turn still lost James and Lil to that bastard's folly." That was all I said, choosing instead to fall silent, giving my mate the chance to continue clearing his conscious if he felt the need to do so.

"I saw Harry that night, not even an hour after Cedric's death, and it never occurred to me that he would feel the same guilt that I've suffered over the years. I'm glad he had you to help him through it." Siri spoke softly meeting my gaze in search of answers to the questions blazing in his own.

One question he dared to ask.

"Re I wanted to come to you as an equal, someone worthy of you, but no matter what I do with my life I'll never be whole, happy or healed without your love. So even though I'm still not the man I'd like to be I'm here hoping that you'll accept me as I am and help me to finally move beyond the guilt and grief I've carried all these years."

"I'll always be here for you Siri, but being there for Harry may help you move past your own grief by helping him continue to work through his. He's not completely beyond it. Paddy don't feel you have to be James, neither one of us will ever be his parent, not at his age, but he still needs us and wants us in his life.

Siri, his time at the Dursley's could easily be likened to your time in Azkaban. He grew older, but he gained those years without the experience of love and guidance. Sirius, Harry is someone with whom you can share both sides of yourself. The reckless youth that never had the chance to grow-up and the grownup who's experienced horrors that he as a sixteen year old should never be able to imagine; but unfortunately can."

Having said more than I thought was prudent, I simply raised my lovers face to mine and gently brushed my lips to his, then caressed my cheek against his own as I sought a lighter topic on which embark.

"Paddy you said earlier that you could swear in twelve different languages. Last I knew who could speak only eleven. Did I misunderstand you or are they suddenly concerned about educating prisoners in Azkaban?"

Grateful for the change in subject matter Sirius chuckled softly and rolled his hips, moving gently within me, while once again urging me to lean back against the chair; allowing him to tease the tender buds that had flattened to flush with my chest.

"No you're right my dear Professor I was able to speak only eleven languages when I was sentenced to Azkaban. When Crouch came to visit the second time I realized I'd been there two years and I could feel my brain turning to mush. I would recite spells and charms, poems and songs until I was bored to death of the same words resounding inside my head, my own voice painful to my ears no matter what manner of speech I used. So I decided my brain needed something new to stimulate it. As I told you the Dementors don't steal knowledge, they steal the ability to use that knowledge for anything other than internal self- destruction.

So I decided if I was going to be faced with your screams of despair and James and Lil's death cries ringing in my ears for the rest of my life, I was going to give them a new voice with which they could be heard.

Even at that point I wanted to do something that would make you proud of me. I have a gift for languages and you always admired Tolkien so I figured I'd give writing a language of my own a go, since he has two or three under his belt." Sirius admitted as though creating a complete language was an everyday occurrence for most people.

"You invented an entire language........in Azkaban........while people were screaming and dying around you.....?

"Yes, written with a stone on the walls."

"That's incredible."

"I did it for you......it took months before I could write sentences with proper structure, but when I finally could I wrote everything I wanted to tell you.....how much I loved you, and that I was innocent. When someone other than Dementors came through they couldn't read it, they thought it was just the scribbles of a mad man, so they left the markings on the walls, never realizing that it was part of what kept me sane. I wrote about these rings," Siri whispered softly taking my left hand in his while stroking the shiny band reverently with the thumb of his right.

"Tell me about the rings," I hesitantly asked as though he had placed something forged in Mordor upon my hand.

"Relax Moony, I assure you, if they are tossed into the fire, no ancient writing will appear in red flame upon the band," my very perceptive mate teased.

"Come on Siri, I mean it. I didn't get a chance to look at it before you placed it on my finger." I pouted, wanting the answers to questions he had given me free reign to ask.

" **Well you should have** ," The ebony haired wizard who now suddenly held me at arms length snapped, in a tone that held no mirth or mercy for noncompletion of an act I'd not known I was to achieve.

"I'm sorry Siri.....I ah...I ..."

"Get up!"

"What?" I stammered stupidly.

"Get up. I'm cold," the sharp bark of my mate's voice softened slightly. "I wanna sit in front of the fire."

With a look of complete bewilderment I rose as quickly to my feet as our precarious position would allow, trying to mask the pain of Siri's suddenly limp cock slipping too abruptly from the now lonely channel which had held it snug.

Angry with myself for allowing this still hurtful human-being so quickly into the depths of my soul, and embarrassed by my naked, thin pale form, I started past the fireplace and toward the kitchen to retrieve my robe, until a strong sure hand grabbed unto my left and stopped me without words.

"Please lay with me," the once again remorseful voice of the wounded puppy pleaded.

Reluctantly I turned to meet the tear-flooded eyes of my mate, mine saying nothing yet everything, simply staring, demanding an explanation or at least an apology.

"Please, I want to answer your question, but in asking it you've lead me to ask a question whose answer can only come from you."

Still, I stood saying nothing, wondering where this question would lead.

"Please, Re, I'm sorry for snapping at you, but I told you earlier that I have a very difficult time with conversations, and thoughts of Azkaban still chill me to the bone.....even with you wrapped around me so wonderfully, in every conceivable way." Siri smiled, then shyly pulled me to him, bringing our fire-lit flesh within inches of carnal contact. "I didn't mean to hurt you again; we can just hold each other and talk...please let me try and continue." My mate motioned toward the sofa hoping I'd follow, but instead I raised my right hand and quietly summoned pillows, blankets and sheets from the first floor guest room and watched the relieved face of my lover as they arranged themselves neatly on the floor before the fire.

"Come here Siri." I whispered softly as I sank gracefully to the comfortable bed of blankets where our long overdue questions would continue to be answered and asked.

"You're amazing Remus Lupin," the thankful voice of my mate glided sweetly to my ears as his muscular legs folded in front of me bringing storm swirled eyes even with my own.

Sirius leaned back against the sofa, his long legs stretched out in front of him pointing toward the fireplace.

Accepting the unspoken invitation, I knee walked to his side and settled myself across his lap, right arm once again circling his lower back as my left hand joined into his waiting palm, our fingers intertwining by a will of their own.

"Remus, I know that you have always been considerate of my other's privacy and that you never entered my vault at Gringotts unless you were in my company, but I had hoped that would change after I was sent to Azkaban. These rings lay right on the first shelf of the vault, right next to my parent's wedding bands, with a note for you incase something happened to me. If you had taken money to live on like you should have, you would have found them and you would know what is on the inside of the bands."

Siri suddenly dropped my hand and wrapped both arms tight around my shoulders, pulled me securely to him, rested his chin on my shoulder and nuzzled at my ear.

"Re, you lived like a pauper when there was not reason for it. You could have taken the smallest pile from the most remote corner and had enough to buy a house and live comfortably for years, but you never touched even a knut. Damn it Re, I've talked to friends of yours, you almost starved to death more than once. Why the hell didn't you take every last galleon and live like a king?" Siri's voice was almost pleading; asking two questions at once, one spoken and one silent."

Carefully disentangling myself from his strong embrace, I leaned back far enough to meet my mate's gaze while still maintaining the physical contact we both craved.

"For the same reason I never had another lover during the thirteen years we were separated. That's the other question you were asking wasn't it? You wanted to know how I survived financially when I wasn't starving?" I asked and answered in the same breath, continuing to meet the sapphire eyes that now gleamed with a mix of embarrassment and relief.

"Siri I could never truly believe you were guilty but after a couple years I tried going on a few dates, always people who asked me out, people who didn't know who or what I really was. I went and tried to have a good time always telling my self that you weren't coming back and that I shouldn't want you back, that it was time to move on. But my heart always knew better, Moony always knew better. A few of those people have become good friends over the years, eventually learning my secret and understanding the bond that you and I share. Three years before you escaped I met a man I thought perhaps could fill some of the emptiness in my life. He was smart and funny, and bit of a rebel, like you always were, but quite a few years younger. We'd gone to dinner a few times, out to clubs, spent some quiet afternoons together just talking, but we never had a physical relationship; he never pushed me. He remembered us from school, remembered seeing us together and never wanted me to feel guilty for being with someone else. Finally, one night I invited him back to the flat I had at the time, and I tried to make my self seem interested in more than friendship." I chuckled and crimsoned at the thought of my embarrassment that night. "I failed miserably; but by that time he was a good enough friend that we both were able to laugh about it and after sharing several games of wizards chess and some good advise he wound up sleeping on the sofa."

"What advice did Bill have for you," Sirius asked continuing to meet my surprised gaze.

"To follow my heart, just as you always had." I replied simply but then continued on seeing the look of confusion in my mate's calm but jealous stare. "You had the courage to love a werewolf, openly, even though almost everyone around you declared me a dark creature, a monster......you still loved me. Bill reminded me that there was no reason **I** had to doubt my faith in you because of what other people thought; he encouraged me to live by what my heart told me not by what society said was correct. It was something I had never truly forgotten, but once in a while I just tried to **move on** in the wrong ways. The right way finally presented its self when I had the chance to teach at Hogwarts for the first time." I smiled, happy to see the pain of worry and jealousy disappear from Siri's beautiful eyes.

"You still haven't told me why you didn't take any money. If you didn't think I was guilty than it makes even less sense for you to go hungry, you obviously knew it wasn't blood money that I'd earned working for that bastard, you knew it was all inherited when my grandparents died. Why, why didn't you take it?" Sirius questioned again.

"For the same reason you were willing to live in a werewolf colony with me." I barked at him, angry for making me explain what I thought should be obvious. "Because I didn't believe you were guilty, because I couldn't surround myself with luxuries that your money bought, not when you were living in hell. I'd have died before I used your money to buy basic necessities,not when you had none of your own."

"I should have trusted you Moony, always. If I had this never would have happened."

"You don't know that Siri. Yes, I wish you would have trusted me but we can't change the past, no matter how distant or how near. It's going to take time to rebuild our life together Paddy, but by giving me this ring I'm assuming that you want to work things through?" I paused, gratefully accepting my mate's dazzling smile as an affirmative answer. "Well then," I continued "the only thing we can do is believe in each other, ask the questions we have, and answer those that are asked of us honestly. Speaking of which I believe you still owe me an answer Mr. Padfoot. Tell me about these rings, does this mean you finally want a **real** wedding" I grinned before nuzzling into my mate's shoulder length tresses.

To my surprise the muscular creature upon who's lap I was very comfortably seated gently moved me to the floor then moved to kneel in front of the fire and beckoned me to follow.

When I also knelt in front of the fire facing my silent mate he slowly removed the band that graced the third finger of his left hand and handed it to me for inspection. The outside was plain as was mine, the inside of the band however was in a constant state of motion due to the engraved images of a dog and wolf that chased each other around the band then stopped to nuzzle and play, eventually laying down together then rising to begin the entire process over again. Upon further inspection I could see writing come into view when the resting canines weren't running atop the letters.

"Two hearts, two bands, one love forever to eternity." I read slowly my voice choked with tears.

"I don't need or want a ceremony, or vows spoken in public that should only be between us." The sure steady voice of my mate whispered over the crackle of the glowing fire. "I didn't need any of that twenty years ago and I still don't need it now. I bought these rings because I wanted to outwardly show the commitment we'd made to one another, but the way in which we made that commitment is between us, and as far as I'm concerned the wordless vows we took run deeper than any versicle of binding could ever delve. Remus will you place this band upon my finger as I did yours?"

"Yes" I stammered my breath coming in short sobbing gasps.

Then taking his left hand in mine I slowly placed the gleaming platinum circlet around the digit that mirrored my own, then slowly dipped my head to the juncture of his neck and shoulder but instead of marking him as he expected I spoke softly against his smooth- sweat slicked skin placing the most gentle of bites to his shoulder and throat between each word that was spoken from the depths of my shared soul.

"Make love to me Siri, claim me. Please Paddy ...oh god, I need you."

On the last word I sank my teeth deep into the soft skin of my lover's throat claiming him for the wolf and myself alike, drawing the rich tangy fluid into my mouth, renewing the silent vow that had already withstood twenty years of love and suffering.

At the renewal of our vow my mate moaned low in his throat, a desperate mix of gratitude, relief, and desire. Slowly he lowered me to the floor, my legs spreading to allow him entrance to paradise, his hot hungry flesh blanketing my already quivering body; my teeth still imbedded in his neck, my tongue still swirling in the ever- rejuvenating elixir of life.

Reluctantly I released the sacred flesh, pausing to softly and sensuously lave the mark of my commitment with a soft velvet ribbon of muscle that apologized for pain and promised pleasure.

Finally when this raven-haired rogue whom the wolf longed to ravage slowly brought his lips to mine it was as though lightening struck the very spot upon which we lay, so intense was the melding of our mouths, minds and emotions. Searching fingers felt their way down smoldering skin, as soft sucking lips sealed a sanctuary where tongues and teeth fiercely battled in a war of want which neither could lose.

After a long heated heart pounding eternity our lips relinquished their hold, yet the twirling dance of lapping and loving tongues refused to end until Siri at last propped himself above me, supported by straightened arms and locked elbows. Gazing into the gale force waves of passion in the stormy sapphire eyes above us, the wolf cried to be taken with force by this muscular mate who had already proven he was capable of pleasing the beast's darkest desires. But the creature realized its carnal craving was not to be fulfilled as Siri slowly began a gentle rocking rhythm that tortured the wolf even as it bespoke of long moments of pleasure for me.

"Siri," I panted, tickling my fingers up the length of muscle and tendons that defined biceps whose bulk betrayed the obvious amount of bludger beating that had been going on over the last few months. "Why did you have me hold on to your hands earlier? Before you would have pressed my arms above me commanding me to hold onto the top of the chair?"

"I couldn't stand the thought of you being bound like that, with your arms tied above you." My mate replied softly never ceasing the slow steady rocking that surged gently in and out of the velvet channel.

"You've never **bound** me love. You've told me to hold on to several headboards that I can remember, but you've never bound me."

Siri only stared at me, seeing visions that would never reflect in the mirrors of his soul.

Before my mate spoke again he dipped his nose to burrow in the depths of my tangled tawny hair, bringing his already opened flesh directly atop my lips. Taking my cue to reassure him of the completeness of my conviction I bit again, the resurgence of my need making its self painfully known as Siri's hard flat abs pressed and rolled my throbbing erection against my own taunt belly.

Now, moving to lean on elbows, Siri spoke in a trance like voice that would have scared even Professor Trelawney, all the while the blissfully hard reminder of our union gently rolled and rubbed within me.

"I was in the same cell the entire time I was in prison," the now reflective wizard began staring sideways at the glowing fire as though it were the crystal ball that would bring this new nightmare into focus, "but the prisoners around me changed often. Twice I had werewolves across from me and beside me. On the nights of the full moon they would shackle them to the wall, arms stretched high above and to the side of them. It was horrible to see, they were in so much pain, Moony, pinned like that; while their bones broke and reformed, shoulders and hips dislocated, bent and bleeding. Oh god Re," my mate sobbed as he turned to face my own pain constricted features, "all I could see was you. You hanging there, screaming, Moony thrashing in agony, howling till the moonset. I couldn't stand to see you with your arms raised above you in submission. I couldn't stand to hurt you, not even in a moment of pleasure."

Holding my mates tear streaked face tightly between my trembling hands I spoke directly to the depths of my lover's heart and soul.

"Sirius, you have **never** physically hurt me. NEVER. Certainly not how Moony and I have hurt you."

Startled from the depths into which he'd briefly sunk, my mate shook his head in a wonderfully canine gesture and the eyes of my lover returned to meet my own.

"Re, you and Moony have never hurt me. There's a big difference between hurt and pain, you know?" Siri assured me with a sudden and beautiful twinkle in his starlit eyes.

"No Paddy, I don't know." I surprised him by answering honestly. "You've never let yourself go enough while making- love to take me there."

'Oh, shit why did I say that', I berated my self as my lover very gently withdrew from the warm embrace of my body.

"Is that what Moony wants or what **you** want," Siri asked, his voice low and filled with despair.

"It's what we both want." I answered determined to be truthful regardless of the pain that clinched his throat. At least I thought it was pain, until the next words were uttered and the tightly reigned control began to give rope to the unbridled passion within.

"Well as long as we're being honest I'll tell you what **I want** ," Sirius's purred, his low sultry voice stroking my soul, just as sure and steady as the hands that were now caressing my sweat slicked hips. "I want you on your knees, my dear Professor. Preferably with something to brace yourself against; because you're going to need all the leverage you can get while I fuck your brains out love, relishing in the howls of the wolf and your cries of pleasure. On your knees, now!

"Oh, god yes! I want you, just like that. Hard and fast." I pleaded, kneeling in front of the sofa, holding tight to the back of the cushions, determined to meet my lover thrust for thrust.

Resting my forehead against the soft cool cotton fabric, I welcomed Moonys low growl of anticipation as Siri positioned himself behind me; slowly stroking his trembling hands up the length of my back then slowly tracing down my sides, dropping now to knead the mounds of firm flesh the formed my well toned arse.

"Come on, Siri do it," I pleaded, "for gods sake fuck me."

"You're beautiful Re," the soft husky voice whispered; then holding tightly to my narrow hips, Siri quickly swept one long lick of his talented tongue across the gathered flesh then growled as he sheathed him self fully in one powerful thrust, causing me to howl with pleasure as the desires of wolf and man became one.

"Oh, Sweet Merlin Remus, you feel so good.....so fucking perfect,"

And suddenly Sirius was everywhere when for years he'd been nowhere but in my dreams. Everywhere oh, Sweet Jesus everywhere...within me, around me, his loving hands dancing over my lonely flesh. Hands sliding slowly across the small of my back, slipping down to caress my belly, pushing forward to tease tender tightening buds as his hips gently pressed against my arse.

Leaning down to sprawl across my back Siri traced his nose along my shoulder while his talented fingers continued to twist tiny hardened buds. Placing gentle nips along the line of my neck, the whisper of my mate's lust lowered voice finally reached my ear and shot like lightening to my groin.

"Are you ready for me love? Are you really ready for me to fuck you? Ready to come so hard you think your balls will explode?"

"Oh yes, love, oh god please now, oh god fuck me Siri," I half growled, half moaned trying to push back against him, rolling my hips and arse around his hot aching need, clenching and pulsing the narrow opening he filled completely, perfectly.

Then very slowly, large sweaty palms cupped my collarbone, fingers peaking around the top of my shoulders as the strong trembling arms pulled me violently back against him, burying his hard throbbing cock still deeper inside me, holding me tightly against him as he slowly arched his chest away from my back, hot stroking hands released my shoulders then retraced their path down chest to belly, curving to hold firm unto my narrow hips as he began in earnest his pulse pounding rhythm to which I gladly danced.

Holding desperately to the back of the sofa cushion I pressed my forehead tight against the seat, the already butterbeer and punch stained fabric catching the beads of sweat that trickled slowly down my temples, as Siri drove his thick dripping length in to me again and again.

Relishing in the possessiveness of his fingers digging with demonstrative dominance into my hips, yet desperate to feel the force of pleasure from the gut churning release that was building quickly in my groin, I withdrew one hand from the depths of the sofa determined to reach my own burning length which cried for the companionship of encompassing flesh. But Siri caught my movement and sharply batted the infringing fingers aside with a warning bark that needed no repeating.

Having left their secure spot within the depths of the sofa the now freed fingers were not content to resume their grasp on cold cotton when the hot fiery flesh of my lover's thigh was so close by to grasp and stroke.

"Mine" he growled seductively as one large paw ravenously encircled the slick satin length of my dripping reddened erection, mirroring the embrace that pleasured his own pounding cock, the pounding perfection that stroked hard and fast at the small perfect gland deep within me, bringing my climax closer and closer.

"Faster, harder Siri, oh gods fuck me harder," I begged bringing my hand back to its place on the sofa, locking my arms as I pushed back meeting my lovers hips and long heavy cock at perfect counterpoint.

Panting and groaning as he worked hard and fast within me Siri whispered the, until now, unspoken desire that would cause the wolf to throw himself hard against the bars of the weakening cage my quickly slipping resolve provided.

"You know that before this night is over I'm going to have your gorgeous cock buried so deep in my arse, I spit your seed when you come,"

'Oh god yes' Moony howled as I felt again the familiar tightening tingle of my balls and groin.

Dying to cry out with pleasure but still imprisoned by own proper pretenses, I buried my teeth in the blue and burgundy cotton damask, tearing the fabric as I threw my head from side to side, Moonys movements governing my own.

"Bullshit, Re let go." Siri's voice commanded stabbing into my brain. "Scream damn you, scream"

And I did; screamed and howled with the combined voice of wolf and man. Screamed and howled as the searing wave of pleasure and pain swirled within my gut and groin, my hot spurting seed coating my lover's waiting hand that continued to pump and pleasure as my shoulders rounded against the sweat stained sofa that until six hours ago I had prized as my one piece of descent furniture.

"Mine, mine" Siri's voice stroked reverently across my heart, as he slammed into me one final time, finding the same glorious release that engulfed my entire being only moments before, sending pulsing streams of thick swimming seed deep within my welcoming body.

Collapsing across my back Siri continued to whisper words of love and longing, his strong arms wrapped securely around my chest as together we melted to the floor, spooned side by side waiting for normal breathing to return.

"That was amazing love," I panted turning in his arms, gazing into shifting swirls of silver and sapphire.

"Did I hurt you," my mate questioned softly lowering his gaze to the already black and blue fingerprints that identified his presence on my alabaster flesh.

"No love, no not at all. But I now know the difference between hurt and pain, and I feel a tad bit better about some of those nights when the wolf has been in control; not good about it, but better."

"How is Moony?" my mate asked, attempting to dress his voice with a casual air?

"Much happier than he was at ten thirty," I joked not fully understanding the reason for my mate's inquiry. Moony was always with me, never truly silent, that went with out question. Even now at the time of almost new moon he roamed within my thoughts and feelings, especially tonight with our mate doing such wonderful and unexpected favors for us.

"Besides, fucking my arse into the floorboards, as you so eloquent admitted earlier, what does Moony want..... what will make him happy?" Siri asked, determination once again creeping into his tone.

"You know what he wants," I replied smoothly, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

"I know....will you let him have me? Please." Siri begged, crawling with almost feline grace to settle him-self on his back in front of the fireplace his arms stretched high above his head.

For a moment I sat still as if Siri had preformed Petrificus Totalus, amazed by the beauty of my mate lying wantonly before me, clothed only in the glow of the firelight.

No longer able to feast upon the glorious sight before me with only my eyes, I invited the wolf that was now straining against the bars of his cage, to join me in devouring the succulent prey who lay open and trembling before us.

Silently moving to sit astride my lover's hips and placing my hands on either side of his broad chest I wasted notime with subtleties, instead diving to latch my lips around a pale brown bud, lapping and sucking the quickly hardened flesh as I straightened my long limbs out behind me. Sirius instinctively spread his thighs granting admittance to the path my mouth would soon travel.

As I reluctantly released my hold on the tease tightened nub something Harry spoke of earlier returned to pick at the still open wounds of my now healing heart.

Pressing up to hold my weight on straightened arms, I bit nervously at my lower lip while deciding how to ask my mate the newest question that now tugged at my soul. Deciding on reassurance first I dipped down for a quick kiss as I rolled my hips seductively against my mates, the delicious friction of our fully engorged erections rubbing together between soft smooth skin almost drove the desire for knowledge from my mind, but not quite.

Pulling from the honeyed contact with a soft sigh, I meet the eyes I longed to drown in for so many lonely years.

"Paddy, I believe that being with me was your only desire tonight, but something that Harry said earlier has me curious," I began trying to keep the tone of my voice light and loving.

"Yes,"

The single word spoken with hesitance and fear, betrayed the outward calm of the beautiful flame bathed face below me, and left my heart aching at the amount of healing my mate had yet to achieve.

"Harry mentioned that, in the last two weeks you seem to have taken on a much happier persona. I guess you've been gone from early morning until very late at night, so when you eluded to the fact that..um...you would most likely be sleeping elsewhere tonight, it uh ... gave him the idea that you were seeing someone and I believe that you weren't.....but I was curious as to why there was such a sudden change that a sixteen year old seeker with a enough issues of his own would notice?" I babbled out the question; much to the pain of my own ears at the use of sounds like um and uh.

But the now relaxed face of the previously worried wizard whose groin ground enticingly upward against my own drove all other thoughts from my mind except the anticipation of an answer he obviously thought would please me.

"I've been doing research for the course I'll be teaching this term." My mate answered, his voice and face glowing with pride. "He knew Dumbledore offered me a full time position, I'm surprised Harry didn't put the two together, but then I guess he doesn't realize how much I love to dig into a project. I guess there's a lot of things he doesn't know about me that he should.. huh?"

"Hopefully we'll change that....soon." I encouraged, the pride I felt for my mate's accomplishment shining through in my own deep voice. "Now love, what in the name of Merlin are you teaching?

"Muggle Studies" Siri announced with a gleam in his eye that bespoke of excitement and a tad bit of apprehension. "I've spent every waking moment of the last two weeks engulfed in reacquainting my self with wonderful yet baffling world of muggles. And although I will be happy to enlighten and entertain you with all of my new found knowledge I do believe there was a far more enjoyable act we were about to indulge in Indiana."

"What did you just call me," I quipped, my voice verging on the edge of indigence.

"Indiana," Siri repeated slowly as though drawing out the individual syllables would make it in the least bit tolerable that I was being likened to a large area of farmland in the United States. "He's a character in a 1980's muggle movie that reminds me great deal of you my love. Indian Jones....calm quiet professor in the class room, cunning and capable when away from the dear little kiddies that idolize him but know not the passionate soul that lies just below the surface. Speaking of which, I wonder what your sweet students would say if they knew what their oh so proper Professor was about to do with that very talented tongue of his," my mate purred signaling the time for talk had ended.

"They'd probably say it's a good thing I don't have a tongue ring, as seems to be the latest fad with the students " I retorted snaking the muscle in question out just far enough to slick my lips before descending upon my mate's glorious glistening flesh.

"Oh, god Re," Siri moaned as my lips and tongue traced the line of soft ebony hair from sternum to groin, pausing briefly to circle and dip within the sensitive indention whose torment drove my lover mad.

Unable to ignore the hot heavy cock that blocked my path I slowly ghosted my tongue along the gentle slope of the reddened head treating myself to the opaque pearl that balanced atop the quivering musk scented flesh. Slowly I traced the ridged line of blood filled flesh to the bed of soft damp curls the smelt of sex, sweat and cedar. Burying my nose in their depth I burrowed and teased at the base of the now weeping erection, allowing Moony to bask in the scent of his mate, trying to satisfy the demands and desires of the wolf's soul, hoping, as I had just realized was Siri's plan, to conjugal the wolf into granting his mate's one greatest wish.

Allowing Moony to travel our route at his own pace I finally dropped my nose to the soft sac whose contents the wolf demanded be lapped at then suckled until our mate's hands dug deep in our hair and beautiful moans and pleas of 'now, now oh god please now' were drawn from his red ripe lips. Lips that begged to be kissed, but not yet, not until we've earned that right by carrying with us the sweet salty offering of his own seed.

"Pass me a pillow Siri," I whispered softly, but Sirius was eager to help and expertly positioned the fluffy bundle of goose down under his hips, then drew up his already quivering legs allowing my arms to snake around the slender hips as reverent hands stroked and worshipped the physical perfection that was Sirius Black

Having been granted the perfect angle at which to enjoy the depths of my lover to the fullest, I sucked in a sharp breath to draw all excess moisture from my tongue then slowly leaned in to greet the soft puckered skin with the canine kiss of the wolf. A kiss that began with the tip of my tongue tracing slow swirling circles across the grain of the gathers then gently reversed direction to trace the short length of the ribbed flesh from out side to center, each time teasing the tight tempting opening that marked the path to soft silken pleasure. Finally, desperate to work my way within the velvet- lined vortex I rolled my tongue taunt then firmly pressed the soft strong muscle past the gates of paradise while the wolf howled with joy at the all encompassing embrace of his mates fiery flesh.

_Deeper, deeper_ Moony begged, and I happily complied; pressing inward then pulling back again and again, swirling wider and wider circles against the soft slick walls, lapping at luscious lining that gradually gave leave for the fully fanned ribbon weaving its way to the very center of my mate's sexual soul. A mate who was growling softly as he fought the urge to tighten the embrace by pulsing the muscles of his gorgeous arse that already rocked gently against the soft caress of my barley brushing lips.

Then at last the prize.... a prize I now pressed and prodded, teased and tortured, caressed and kissed..... yes... kissed; all the while expertly driving my lover ever closer to the blinding flashes that would illuminate even the darkest recesses of his still shrouded soul.

"Now Re, oh god now, hurry," the gasping voice of my trembling mate pleaded as the warm rich reward, for a journey into love enjoyed to the fullest, sped quickly to the throbbing reddened head I hurriedly moved to capture within the moist warm confines of my mouth and throat as hungry hands held tightly to my tawny mane.

The explosion of garbled profanity and bittersweet seed was spewed in unison from the heart and soul of a man I never thought would be mine to bring to this height of pleasure again. Yet here I lay with my cheek on his warm damp belly, hands stroking soothingly along lines of still quivering muscle; luxuriating in lapping the last lingering traces of loves liquid from the slowly softening flesh my tongue still cradled and caressed.

At last I released the carefully cleansed captive, and moved slowly to lie atop my lover's beautiful body.

"I love you," Siri whispered, knowing that reassuring the adequacy of my oral accomplishments was not necessary.

Saying nothing I simply meet the ebony haired wizards mouth with my own, allowing him to swirl his soft seeking tongue along the tender tingling tissue as he lapped and sucked the still lingering liquid I longed to share. Finally my mate broke the bond of our melded mouths and met the molten gold of my love-laden eyes.

"Yes?" he asked hopefully, while pressing perfectly on my arse, pulling my very ready erection firmly against his own freshly full- filled flesh.

"Yes," I whispered softy, nodding in disbelief at the silence that rumbled through my heart and mind.

Padfoot had played with and pleasured his mate perfectly. Returning to us on the night the wolf desired him most, returning with the intention of never leaving us again. Returning with only one unspoken request of a beast he trusted with his life, a beast whom only he could love and be loved by in return. For this incredible mate whom we'd ravaged and yes, very possibly raped, the wolf would grant one unbelievable request, only one, only once. Lying quietly in the back of his cage Moony settled his muzzle softly on his paws, closed the amber bright eyes then stilled his thoughts that I might find solitude. For the first time in over thirty years my mind was my own if only for a moment.

"Make love to me" Siri asked softy, realizing this was the closest we would ever come to knowing the joining of only two hearts and two souls.

My breath suddenly coming in soft shuddering gasps at the reality of what I would experience for the first time I settled between the now wide spread legs of a wonderful man whose wish was also coming true, and pressed softly against the still slick skin, sliding deep within my lover's eager opening embrace. Instinctively, well muscled legs wrapped firmly around my slim waist and crossed at the knees, allowing slender calves to press against my arse encouraging my gently thrusting hips to deepen the long slow strokes I'd never imagined would be my own to govern.

"Oh god I love you Paddy," were the only words I could form as I gazed into the tear filled eyes I'd only seen in my dreams for almost fifteen years, eyes that spoke directly to my soul 'You're my heart and soul, life's breath while you live, and the kiss of death should I ever lose you, stay with me always, fill me, oh gods Re fill me with life.'

I obeyed the silent request, pushing firmly in one last time, gazing into the water softened eyes as long as I could, showering the depths of my mate with my seed and my soul. At last my eyes closed as I crumbled against my lover's chest, shaking in the strong sure arms with the force of my release, gently biting the now bruised and bloody neck of my mate in a canine display of the unfathomable degree of love I felt for my life partner and appreciation of the wolf's unexpected gift.

Siri held me for long moments as I waited for my breath and heart to slow, then finally I slipped gently from him and lay curled at his side, my head resting on his chest while our limbs intertwined as they always did; Moony once again a soft growling presence in the back of my mind.

"Re?" Sirius spoke softly, brushing his fingers lightly across my forehead.

"Yes Siri"

"Can I open my present now," the slightly hesitant yet pleading voice requested as he playfully brushed feather light lips along the top of my head.

"Oh Sirius, you can't be.....serious." I moaned, hoping he wouldn't joke at the old pun.

"Well yes, I am," the eternal child of my life pouted, "It's way past 12:01 you know?"

"Very well," I replied summoning the package from the tree. "But I'll warn you, it's not what you are expecting. I told you I made it for you, which is true. I also made it for my myself." I cautioned, no hint of humor lightening the warning tone of my voice.

Never adjusting our position Siri moved his left arm from its place on my shoulder only long enough to release the paper from the well- worn book it covered.

"It's a journal Re," My confused but definitely not disappointed mate pondered as he flipped awkwardly through the dated pages, keeping one arm firmly around me.

"It my journal from the time we were apart," I admitted softly. "I started it fifteen years ago this night. The last entry was made this evening before I left for my walk. There are poems, letters, drawings and some entries are merely angry thoughts, or very infrequent times of joy, like the night I first held the map in my hand after almost twenty years. There isn't an entry of each day that passed. At first I wrote frequently but during the years just before I started teaching I would go for months with out touching it. From the time you escaped until now there is an entry for every day that passed, sometimes two or three."

"This is the original love, why wouldn't you give me a copy?"

"I thought maybe if you realized how much I loved you, even when I should have believed the worst about you, maybe you would give us another chance. It you did come back then I would still have it, if you didn't, then it was time to part with it anyway, and to go on with whatever merger existence I could make of my life."

Prepared to read aloud Siri opened the battered book to the first entry, but before he could speak I placed a finger across his lips to stop the flow of the still haunting words of pain that ghosted in fading ink across the page.

"Please Siri, read any entry except that one. Please. You can read anything you like after we return from the Christmas feast and I'll answer any questions, but I beg you not to read that entry now."

Without hesitating Sirius flipped to a date near the center and began to read with a soft soothing voice, it's ironic that he picked the page that was written as Bill Weasley lay sleeping on my sofa.

Paddy, I've tried for years to stop loving you. Tonight I tried to be with anther....it's impossible, my heart shall lie always with you. Missing you, wanting you, needing you. Your touch, your taste, your love.

Together we lie alone Wrapped in the cover of darkness You in your cell and me in mine The bars of loneliness, fear and hunger surround us both

I live in a prison guarded by memories of raven hair and sapphire eyes I wish that thoughts of amber eyes and tawny hair were the walls that guard you,but as **you** are haunted by nightmares and living demons, **I** will keep your heart wrapped safe in mine, until the end of earthy time.

R.

We were both silent as tears moistened my hair and Siri's chest, then finally Sirius began to read other passages pausing between to allow for tears and talk, pain and healing, at last we drifted into sleep, warmed by the perpetual flames of enchanted wood, the worn leather bindings of my souls journey from and to a night that was far more the Christmas Eve lay across Siri's chest as our only cover.

Much to my surprise I woke to the smell of bacon, eggs, toast and tea; my mate had made good on his promise to cook breakfast, although it was probably closer to lunch judging by the glow of the sun's light that assaulted my eyes without opening their lids.

Upon the realization that my head was still pillowed against my lover's chest the identity of our chef brought me immediately to a sitting position where I was greeted by the amused expression of a be- speckled sixteen year old leaning against the door frame that separated kitchen from living room.

"Hell of a way to greet your breakfast date; you know there is a charm to keep covers in place perhaps..... I could teach it to you,the grinning teen chuckled then dropped he façade as he retreated to the kitchen calling over his should as I had done myself only twelve hours before, " I tossed your cloths on the sofa, perhaps you'd like to put them on before we eat."

Dropping my head in embarrassment and at the same time regret I cursed myself for forgetting the arrival of the person who had stood by my side so staunchly the night before. Thankfully the reassuring arm of my mate reached around my shoulders to hold me tight against the warm familiar chest.

"Let me talk to him," Sirius insisted, and although I didn't believe it was the best idea, I gently nodded my head as he released his hold on my shoulders.

Slipping into the nearby jeans, the never self-conscious Gryffindor headed to the kitchen before I could suggest the addition of his discarded ivory sweater. Hurriedly I donned my pajamas and robe then trailed after my mate hoping that he wasn't at war with his godson......I shouldn't have worried.

Stopping in the doorway, but making certain my presence was known, I listened with amazement as Sirius spoke with lowered guard and utter honesty.

"I'm not going to take him away from you Harry." Sirius promised addressing the hidden concern. "Please don't be angry with Remus for forgetting that you were coming over this morning. I know you were very supportive of him last night when you found out the relationship we share and the shitty way I've treated him. Last night was our twentieth anniversary; it seemed an appropriate time to come beg his forgiveness for acting like an arse for so long. I asked you to live with me that night in the Shrieking Shack, I don't think I'm speaking out of turn to say the offer still stands to share this house with us when you aren't at school; Re please correct me if I'm wrong." Sirius turned inviting me to his side by the simple extension of his outstretched hand.

I moved to his side immediately, yet declined to hold the pro-offered hand instead choosing to place my hands on the kitchen chair I stood behind, feeling it too much to ask of Harry to witness further physical contact after the scene he was literally exposed to earlier.

"We both want to be here for you Harry, just as much as we have until now, and hopefully more so." I added to Sirius offer, hoping to ease Harry's fear of being replaced as an important part of my life.

After glancing quickly over the shining band that graced Sirius's hand and the mate that rested upon my own, it was on the bruised and still bloody bite that lay open for inspection on his godfather' neck that Harry's gaze lingered for long moments.

I couldn't fight urge to drop my head in shame for the nature of the beast whose commands I so willingly obeyed when it came to claiming my mate. But Sirius wouldn't stand for my lowered gaze and reached with determined fingers to lift my chin, and at the same time self esteem.

"So you're back together for good," Harry stated without the slightest hint of doubt, as a broad grin split the solemn face. "I really have a home......and you're **really** good at silencing charms right?"

"Yes, on all counts," Sirius sighed with relief then surprisingly blushed at Prong's sons blunt question. "We're very sorry about this morning Harry, we'll try to make certain it doesn't happen again."

"Oh, well all my friends have walked in on their parents, I guess this is the closest I'll ever come to that," Harry joked, but continued on a bit more serious. "I'm sure glad Ron decided not to come with me today, but uh ....I mean.....I can tell about you two.....can't I?"

"Of course you can," Sirius answered immediately, "love isn't something that's meant to be hidden. But to be honest with you Harry, if we're doing things in the muggle world you may hear some pretty heartless comments when you're with us. Re and I choose to ignore them, but we won't ignore each other."

"Does that mean you're going to put arm around **Re** at the movie this afternoon," Harry teased, stressing the unfamiliar nickname.

"Well assuming we had any plans of seeing a movie today, I might even hold **Siri's** hand," I joked in return wondering what teenage plot was being planned under our very noses.

"To be honest," Harry muttered under his voice while casting eyes to the floor, "I figured out it wasn't a 'one night fling' as soon as I saw the bite this morning. I was really happy for both of you, and I kinda hoped that even though you just got back together that is was still okay for us to spend the day together, with it being Christmas and all. So I was thinking we could watch Fellowship of the Ring on the DVD player and then go see The Two Towers after the Hogwart's feast." Harry spit out all in one breath and then broke a smile worthy of James.

"What DVD player," I asked, suddenly very weary of having a teenager in the house.

"The one I brought over this morning after I thought it was safe to turn the downstairs guest room into a room for the television."

"What television?" I asked although the answer was already obvious.

"Happy Christmas?" Harry smiled at least bothering to look slightly apologetic.

"It sounds like a wonderful day to me." Sirius finally chimed in. "Besides Re your lovely little back -side might appreciate a padded seat for most of today instead of the wooden benches at Hogwarts.

"My god Sirius, that's enough" I howled indignantly much to my mate and godson's enjoyment, though inwardly I was grateful for my lover's concern as I truly believed someone must have snuck in during the night, shoved a bludger bat up my arse and scrambled my internal organs, but I'd be damned if I was going to say anything now.

"Why can't you just be like your Dad and blush heatedly then run from the room," I quipped with a smile still spread across my face.

"Don't know,' the teen answered honestly, "but I can't wait to see what happens the first you walk in on me. I'm going to watch a movie let me know when you mutts are finished in the shower so we can go to the castle. The feast starts in two hours does that give you enough time or will we have to arrive fashionably late?" Harry called over his shoulder has he headed down the hall.

Taking me in his arms Sirius kissed the line of my jaw then whispered softly in my ear as his hands reached inside my robe to caress soft pale flesh.

"So is it a Happy Christmas my love?"

"It certainly is," I answered placing a searing kiss on my lovers waiting mouth but adding in my mind, 'Now that the 24th is once again, more than Christmas Eve'

FIN


End file.
